The Journal
by The Marauder Named Prongs
Summary: Remus decides to give Sirius a journal for his 16th birthday. Sirius thinks it's the most unmasculine thing he's ever recieved, but he soon finds the most secretive pieces of himself on the journal's once blank pages. Gets kind of angsty later on. RLSB
1. Chapter 1

**This is my newest story. So far, I think it's the best I've written. I love it. It's a Sirius/ Remus story, but that doesn't really come until later. I hope you enjoy!**

**Part One**

**Character Interaction-**

"A diary? Moony, you bought me a _diary_?"

"It's not a _diary_ Sirius; it's a journal."

"Oh! Well, ex-_cuse_ me!"

"Shut up, Sirius. I thought maybe you could use it to keep your thoughts together or something." Remus Lupin sat in the Marauder's dormitory, trying to give Sirius his birthday present. He had not expected Sirius to think it to be a diary, for it looked nothing like a diary. That's not at all what Remus had intended it to be.

Sirius looked at his companion's frustrated face, and softened up, "Okay, Rem, I'll use it if it makes you happy."

Remus smiled broadly, "Writing is a good way to get your feelings out without actually having to tell anyone anything. It can be quite relaxing as well, Padfoot. You should really use this."

Sirius sighed, "I know, Moony. I know. I told you I'll use it, and I promise you I will." Sirius looked deep into Remus' amber eyes, seeing them light up at his words. That's all Sirius wanted: To make Remus happy.

"Good," Remus stood from Sirius' bed, and crossed the dormitory to his own. He laid down, mumbling, "I'm tired, and I will be going to bed now. 'Night Padfoot." He pulled the hangings closed around him, falling asleep within minutes.

Sirius smiled at his friend before he closed his own hangings, and opened the blank book. He had to admit, it didn't look like your average diary. It was bound in black leather, with a motorcycle on the front. Remus really knew what Sirius liked, motorcycles being one of them. He reached over to his night stand, grabbed a quill, and began scribbling away on the first page

**Sirius' Journal-**

**October 14th Tuesday**

Merlin, do I feel stupid writing in this thing. Why in Merlin's name would Moony think to buy me a journal? Does he really think I'm that much of a pouf? And yet here I am, writing away. Maybe I _am _that much of a pouf. Bloody hellཀ I don't even want to get into that at the moment, especially not with an inanimate object. You know, I think Moony's gayer than I am sometimes. When giving me this he says, "Writing is a good way to get your feelings out without actually having to tell anyone anything. It can be quite relaxing as well, Padfoot. You should really use this." He never ceases to amaze me, that boy.

So aside from the story of your sudden existence, and my immense feelings of gayness at the moment, I will explain a little of myself, so if I get into a fight with the Giant Squid tomorrow and die, someone can read this at my funeral. So, my name is Sirius Orion Black, and I have just turned sixteen today. As of last year, I could no longer stand my "Wonderful, Better-Than-Everyone," Pureblood family, and moved in with James Potter, my best mate. Remus Lupin was the giver of this journal, for today is my birthday, and some odd force of Merlin compelled him to buy me this. Now I shall explain the Marauders, and then I shall move onto my wonderful self. (See, I'm not as conceited as some people think. I am explaining my friends before myself, aren't I?)

So first there's Remus Lupin, or Moony, as we like to call him. The first thing I'll say about him, is the fact that he is a werewolf, hence the nickname. But he's not a monster, nor have I ever thought him to be. He is a sweet, clever, and kind boy with these amazing amber eyes you could loose yourself in, and sandy blond hair. It's rumored he's gay, but he has yet to admit it to any of the Marauders, and I won't believe it until I hear it straight from him. He is quite a reserved, almost self-conscious, boy. He is, after all, the only of the Marauders to sleep fully clothed, to my dismay.

Next there's James Potter, or Prongs as we all call him. He's my best mate, like a brother. As I said, I moved in with him last year, and his parents (bless them) took me in graciously. He's a kind, clever, but somewhat arrogant boy(if I do say so myself), with hazel eyes hidden behind thin-rimmed glasses, and a tangle of jet black hair. When we learned of Moony's lycanthropy, James, Peter, and myself decided to become Animagi. James became a stag, earning him the nickname Prongs.

Now onto Peter Pettigrew. I'm still not entirely sure how or why we became friends with him. There's nothing wrong with him, but he's a bit cowardly and childish at times. He's a plump little man, with light hair, but he's kind to everyone. I don't think he could hurt a fly if he wanted to. He also became an Animagus with James and myself. His form is that of a rat, so accordingly he was donned Wormtail.

That's it about my closest mates, so now onto the utterly wonderful moi. I am Padfoot, for my Animagus form is that of a great black dog. (Looks a bit like the grim actually, but that's just an added spook bonus.) I am incredibly handsome, (Yes, I know that was a bit arrogant) being tall and muscular, with long ebony hair, and a well-chiseled face. The girls seem to drop at my feet, or so Prongs says. I only occasionally realize, or care about it. I think I've already found the love of my life.

Well, for not wanting to write in the first place, I think I've written my fair share for the next year. So, I'll be stopping now.

**October 16th Thursday**

I have now been threatened by Moony to write daily. He says if I don't he won't talk to me for a month. That would be the true definition of torture. I mean, what would I do without Moony's intelligent conversations? I would be stuck with James whining about Lily Evans (Some Gryffindor redhead Prongsie's been obsessing over for years) never liking him for hours and hours until I am forced to jump off the Astronomy Tower. I know he's my best mate and all, but enough is enough.

I don't know what to write in bloody journals. Moony says I should just write about what I did today, but what fun is that? Writing is not fun, but because it's Moony, I'll do it.

So today... I woke up. I ate breakfast with Moony, Wormtail, and Prongs. Prongs spilled his pumpkin juice down the front of his robes again when Evans walked by. Bloody git is lovesick to the point of disgust over that girl.

So anyway, after breakfast, we went to Potions with the Slug. (A.K.A. Professor Slughorn). We had to do some complicated sleeping potion. I worked with Prongs, while Moony worked with Wormtail. Lets just say, Prongs and myself aren't the best potion makers, and ended up sending Peter to the Infirmary because our potion was too strong. Poor Wormy. He's okay now though... I think.

But even worse than that, The Slug wouldn't leave Prongsie and I alone. He was constantly at our cauldron talking to James about his wonderful parents, and his wonderful Pureblood family and all that happy hippogriff shit. But it gets worseཀ Prongs "accidentally" let it slip to Sluggy that I was living with him and his 'Wonderful Pureblood Family', so now Slughorn's invited me to one of his peppy parties tomorrow night, along with Prongs, Moony, and Lily. Oh joy. I just can't wait for that.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, unless you would consider the normal Snape Torture of the Day, eventful. Moony, being a good little prefect, did absolutely nothing to stop Prongs and I from permanently sticking Snivelly to the back of a broom cupboard door after dinner this evening. That was mildly entertaining, though we did that once in third year, so it wasn't as funny this time around.

I wonder if anyone's found him yet? It has been two hours since supper, after all. But I honestly couldn't care less. I really couldn't. He's such a foul git. That new spell he's learned is a dangerous one. Prongs and I are gonna have to watch out for that one. Left a right nice gash across my arm today. Stupid bugger. Remus healed it though, and I'm fine now. No need to worry.

Gahhhཀ My hand hurtsཀ I don't even write this much in History of Magicཀ My hand is not used to this abuseཀ

**Character Interaction-**

"You okay, Moony?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. What makes you think there's something wrong?"

"Well, first of all, you said all that way too fast to sound normal. And second, you've been on the same page in that bloody book for the past seven minutes, and I know you read faster than that.**"**

James Potter and Remus Lupin were seated in the Gryffindor Common Room that Thursday night, on their favorite couch closest to the fire. It was nearing eleven o'clock, as Remus pretended to read his book, and James worked on his Transfiguration Essay due next Monday. James had stopped when he'd noticed the absence of Moony's frequent page-flipping noises.

"There's nothing wrong, James. Honestly, I'm not lying." Remus assured to his dark haired companion. He returned his gaze to the book, flipping the first page in the past seven minutes.

James looked at his tawny friend wryly, though Remus noticed this not, for his nose was buried deep in the book, "You would tell me if there was something bothering you, right?" James asked, wanting conformation of the depth of his friendship with this certain werewolf.

Remus closed his eyes, and rubbed the bridge of his nose, giving himself the appearance of a man beyond his years, "Yes, Prongs," he reopened his eyes, and positioned them back on the book, "I would tell you. That is how you should know that there is nothing wrong."

James continued staring at him quizzically, as though he expected Remus to break down in front of him, and tell him everything that was bothering his heavy heart. Though he knew better than to expect that. Remus shared his feelings with no one; no one but Sirius, that is. James sighed, knowing it would be futile to continue badgering Remus. He would never get the truth out of him. Only Sirius would be able to find out what was truly wrong with him.

After several minutes of silence, James decided it was time to leave Remus alone for a while, "I'm gonna go to bed now," James stood up from his seat, "I'll talk to you in the morning, or when you come upstairs. Whenever." James exited the Common Room taking refuge in his warm bed, Sirius and Peter snoring lightly in the darkness of their dormitory.

Remus vaguely heard James announce his departure, not noticing his absence until many minutes after he left. Remus looked from his book to his wrist, noting the time: Eleven thirty. He knew he should go to bed, having classes in the morning, but he couldn't sleep. There was too much guilt on his conscience to slumber in the same room with that boy. So instead, Remus laid down across the couch on which he resided, and promptly fell asleep where he lay, far away from Sirius.

**Praying you liked it! Please review! I love to know what you think!**

** Prongsie :)  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, here's the next part of my pride and joy. Hope you like it!**

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**Part Two**

**Sirius' Journal**-

**October 17th Friday**

This whole "Journal" thing is getting old. It's nearly midnight, and I have just now gotten back from that sodding party. Can you say: Boring. As. Hell. Merlin, I hope I never have to experience anything like that as long as I live. We sat around some big table, while The Slug in turn asked us all these pointless questions about our famous friends and family, and, in Lily and Moony's case, their great potions skills. When he finished inquiring us, he let us go about the room, conversing with those we wanted to and ignore those we didn't. James was, as usual, chasing Evans, trying to get her to go out with him yet again. Moony took the responsibility of keeping an eye on him, because Prongsie was liable to snap at any moment in lovesick frustration.

I took to smoking and snogging some attractive Hufflepuff in a corner. That was probably the highlight of my night, and she wasn't even that good of a snogger. That just goes to show how bloody wonderful my night was.

But anyways, the party was the single most boring experience of my life, except for the time Remus tried to teach James and I the Greek Alphabet in our Fourth Year. I still can't remember past Beta.

I am tired, and in dire need of another cigarette, so I'll be leaving now... Curse you Moony! And your bloody writing ideas!

**October 18th Saturday**

I've decided the whole "Write Down What You Did Today" thing is getting old, so I think I'll start writing a bit about things that interest me. Today, I will be writing about Moony.

There is so much I could say about Moony. I don't know where to start. I guess I should begin with explaining how he stole my heart. I always thought I was as straight as straight gets until a few years ago. It was the first full moon since James, Peter and I had become Animagi. We met Remus in the Shrieking Shack just before the moonlight shone upon his small figure. James explained what we'd done, and told Remus we'd done it for him; that we wanted to help him through his terrible transformations. Remus was close to tears when he saw us transform into our animal selves. He was besides himself with happiness at the loyalty we held for him. He actually thought we would desert him because of his lycanthropy. Silly Moony.

But anyway, soon Remus turned to Moony, and we were running around Hogsmeade together, having the time of our lives. It took us time to get Moony to trust us, for he doesn't have the same mind as Remus. But when we'd earned his trust, we helped in keeping him somewhat sane.

Half way through the night, poor Wormtail fell off Prongs' back where he'd been residing in order to keep up with us larger animals. Prongs, being donned his caretaker, stayed behind to help him, while Moony and my Padfoot self kept going, running carelessly through the village.

It was during this time when Padfoot began to subtly overtake me. His senses temporarily took control of mine, and suddenly licked Moony's nose. Moony's reaction was not what I thought it would be. I had come back to my senses just after the affectionate lick from Padfoot, and expected a mauling from the werewolf. But this mauling never came. Actually, Moony seemed okay with Padfoot's obvious attraction to him, licking his nose in return. It was an immediate bond between the two canines, and it takes all my control to stop my Padfoot self from savaging the werewolf every full moon since that first one.

I've spent many nights in the Astronomy Tower pondering the events of that night. Remus has no idea anything happened. He doesn't often remember what he does in his werewolf form, and that night was no exception. I, fearing my friend's reaction, never told him what Padfoot and Moony had done.

As I sit here now, I can't help but think about that night, and wonder if Remus was somewhere in Moony's mind when he licked me back. I often catch myself wishing, praying he was in there. Somewhere.

Ever since that night, I've known I am not straight, and I've known that I desperately want Remus Lupin. No one but James knows I fancy Remus. No one but Prongs would understand. He tells me I should go for it, because it's rumored that Remus is gay, but I can't be sure, and I won't say anything until I'm one hundred percent certain I've got a chance with him, without losing his friendship.

Even with this unbelievable love for Moony, I've still dated many people, male and female, since I realized my sexuality. Sometimes it was because I thought I was over Remus. Sometimes it was to try to get over Remus. Sometimes it was because I thought I loved that person. But most of all, it was to make Moony jealous; to see if he had any interest in me at all. Let's just say, if he does, he's hiding it well, for my relationships don't appear to bother him at all. Like yesterday at Sluggly's party; me and that Hufflepuff girl in the corner. It didn't seem to faze him in the least, which was my only true intention. He's my friend, and he supports me, but why can't he be more than that? Why can't he love me back?

**Character Interaction-**

"ARG! PRONGS! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Sorry, mate, but it's almost noon, and Moony requests I wake you up so you can eat, then go to the library with him to finish that essay McGonagall assigned us."

James Potter hopped off Sirius' bed as he spoke, for Sirius' fingers were outstretched in attempts at strangling his best friend. Sirius _hated _it when James jumped on him while he slept. "Couldn't you have just said, 'Come on, Sirius. You've had enough beauty sleep, not that you need it. It's time to get up now.'?" Sirius stood up from his bed, pulling on his robes.

"Ha-bloody-ha, Padfoot. I wouldn't wake you up like that for a million galleons. Well... maybe for a million..." James pondered if Sirius' requested wake-up was worth a million galleons, as Sirius grabbed his wand and his last pack of his last three cigarettes, before departing down the stairs and into the common room.

He and James walked to the Great Hall, cursing Severus Snape into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom on their way. It was in the Great Hall where they met Remus and Peter eating quietly. James promptly grabbed Peter, telling him they were off to search the grounds for a certain fiery redhead. Peter had no choice but to obey; he always obeyed.

"Johnny's sent you something, Padfoot," Remus said when only he and Sirius remained at the table.

"Oh good, good. Stupid bugger; he's two days late," Sirius mumbled as he took the package from Remus and slipped it into his bag. He need not open it, for he already knew what resided inside the brown paper: A carton of cigarettes. Johnny, James' neighbor, sends them weekly.

Sirius ate quietly before Remus dragged him off to the library. Sirius protested greatly. Apparently he was 'Too smart to need any book the library had to offer.' It seemed Remus thought differently, because the library was where they spent their afternoon.

**Sirius' Journal-**

**October 19th Sunday**

C'est almost midnight again, and here I am writing, so Moony won't ignore me for a month. C'est- the only word of French Moony ever managed to teach me. Merlin, do I love it when Moony speaks French, even though I can't understand him. He only does so when he's incredibly happy, or incredibly angry, both of which I find incredibly sexy. Did I really just say 'incredibly' three times in one sentence? Moony would kill me for my bad writing. Thank Merlin he'll never read this.

Tonight, I feel like writing about my day. It was a wonderful day in the life of Padfoot. I slept until Prongs jumped on me to get me out of bed around noon. I received a new carton of cigarette from James' neighbor, Johnny, with whom I became very good friends last summer. Sends me a new carton every other week. It was late this time, by two days, might I add. I could've had a nicotine-loss-attack. What was that boy thinking?

Prongs and I had our fun with Snivelly, getting him in the back with a stunning spell, then locking him in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. I'm sure he had fun with her, being the only thing that could ever want him. Him and his fascination for the Dark Arts; I'm sure a dead girlfriend is perfect for him.

So after that, Prongs took Wormtail out on the grounds to scout for Evans, and ask her out for the two thousandth time. Literally. He's been keeping track. That left me and Moony to write a Transfiguration essay, due tomorrow, together in the library.

We, of course, breezed through that, (I am an Animagi after all) and that left us time to just hang out and talk. He asked if I'd been writing, as he'd requested I do. I said I had, but he didn't believe me, and asked to read this. Inside I was flipping out! I poured too much of myself into this thing already, to let him read it. I wasn't sure what to do, so I let him read one entry, just to prove I've been writing.

I let him read the one about The Slug's party, because that one didn't really have any "Hidden Piece of Sirius' Soul" in it. He seemed satisfied with it, though he told me it was low to make out with that girl just for the hell of it. Ah, if only he knew. But anyway, he agreed that he will be talking to me for the next month. He even said he was somewhat proud of me, for actually taking his advice and writing. As much as I hate to admit it, he was right about the whole "Writing Relaxes You" thing. I should've known, though. I mean, it was Moony who said it.

Moony and I met back up with Prongs and Wormtail just before dinner. James was, of course, denied a relationship with Evans, yet again. Poor bloke. Will he ever realize he's got just as much chance of getting Lily Evans, as Peter does of killing someone?

The rest of the night was uneventful, other than some Ravenclaw girl looking my Moony up at dinner. Let's just say, she'll be having quite the acne problem for the next few days, or weeks, or months. Stupid twat. She should know better than to look at Moony like that. Doesn't she realize he's mine?

I'll answer that. No, she doesn't know Moony's mine. Hell, Moony doesn't even know I've already claimed him. Should I even call him mine? I may have 'Claimed' him, but he's not mine. Not yet, anyway. I can only pray that day comes soon. I don't know how much longer I can deal with watching him, and knowing I can't have him; I can't hold him; I can't touch him; I can't even truly be in love with him, for "In Love" takes two, not one.

**Hope you enjoyed it! More will be out soon. Please review!**

**Prongsie:)**


	3. Chapter 3

**I know, I know. It's short, but a lot goes on in this part. It is sort of important, so read carefully! As always, I love you all!**

**Part Three**

**Sirius' Journal-**

**October 20th Monday**

I HATE SCHOOL! I am so sick of bloody homework! We've only been here a month and a half, and they're already assigning us N.E.W.T. work! It's only our Sixth Year! What is wrong with these teachers? We still have over a year and a half before N.E.W.T.s! Merlin!

I have three essays due by Thursday, for Potions, Transfiguration, and Defense Against The Dark Arts. We just handed in our Transfiguration paper today, and Minerva's already signed us another. Plus I've got a detention tomorrow with that witch! All because I kept calling her Minerva instead of Professor McGonagall. Dumbledore calls her Minerva, so why can't I?

At least James' got one too, though his is with Professor Flitwick. He "accidentally" knocked out some Fifth Year bloke when trying to summon books to him in Charms. And it just so happens, that this particular Fifth Year fancies Lily Evans. Coincidence that he _happened _to knock out that specific Fifth Year? I think not.

That's all I have time to write today. I have to go find Moony now, and get him to help me with this bloody Potions essay.

**October 22nd Wednesday**

I am so happy Remus didn't notice my absence of writing yesterday. I don't think I could live a month without being able to talk to him, though after what I've done, I can see that happening anyway.

Yesterday after my detention with Minerva, I was too busy being a bloody prick to write. I did it again. Someone needs to keep me away from the Astronomy Tower past eleven o'clock. I'm too damn prick-ish after that. Her name is Lina; Lina Akisslee. Like a vampire, that one, I swear. Most seductive person I think I've ever met. I didn't mean to. Merlin, I didn't mean to. I expected the normal: cuddling, snogging, maybe some light touching. But I definitely didn't expect what she was offering.

She started off just like I thought she would. Cuddling, and kissing lightly. Then she got this... look about her. I could tell what she wanted before she did anything. I could've stopped right then, but no. I had to go and be a horny little twat, letting the bloody arse take advantage of me. I'd only known her one day, and I let her do anything, and everything, she wanted. I feel like such an arse. I led her on to the point where _I_ was the one being led. I've never been one for one-night stands, never. She didn't try to talk to me at all today, so she must've just wanted a quick shag with Mr. Sirius Black, just so say she did. Why the bloody hell did I do that? Even now, I can't figure it out.

What have I done? I never intended on this. I never wanted this. The bitch is sure to tell half the school. What if Remus finds out? What then? He'd _never_ want me after this. Oh Merlin. Oh Merlin. Oh Merlin. Someone kill me now, 'cause I'll be dead soon anyways.

**Character Interaction-**

"Did you hear about Sirius and Lina?"

"Yeah, I did. Do you think it's true?"

"Definitely. I heard it straight from her."

"Really? That lucky bitch."

Lina made quite sure her night with Sirius was the talk of the school for the next week or so. By Thursday, every single student knew what had happened in the Astronomy Tower that Tuesday night. Girls envied Lina, and guys praised Sirius on his score with one of the hottest birds in Hogwarts. Lina was more than happy with her new attention, while Sirius wanted nothing less than to crawl in a hole and die.

James had been one of the first to know about Sirius' newest sexual encounter. When he found out, he could've killed that certain ebony haired boy, who he'd come to know and love like a brother. Sirius had avoided his fellow Marauders all day Thursday, knowing James would not be happy with him. It wasn't until late that night that James finally had the chance to talk, or should I say yell, at Sirius. Sirius had gone back to the Astronomy Tower to try and erase the events of previous nights. This is where James found him.

"So, have a nice fuck did you, Sirius?" James spat vehemently upon entering the tower. Sirius was perched on the ledge of one of the massive windows, staring up at the stars. He turned around at the sound of his name.

James couldn't tell if the look in Sirius' eyes was anger or pain, nor did he really care.

"What the hell do you think!" Sirius replied, his voice shaking ever so slightly, as Sirius' face contorted with what could have been rage or incredible pain.

James took a few tentative steps forward before answering, "Do you really want to know what I think, _mate_? Because I can promise you, it's nothing you will want to hear."

"You're probably right, but no matter. Talk away." Sirius hopped from his perch to stand only feet from the visibly seething James Potter.

"At this very moment, I think you're an inconsiderate sod, who doesn't care about a damn thing but himself and how many people he can fuck! I think you deserve nothing more than a chain around your ankle at the bottom of the Lake," James paused. His fists had clenched, and his nails were digging into his palms. "You are a low fucking bastard who doesn't deserve to love someone like Remus."

This was where Sirius snapped, "DON'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME I SHOULDN'T LOVE REMUS! YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT! THE BLOODY LEAST YOU COULD FUCKING DO IS LET ME EXPLAIN, INSTEAD OF BELIEVING WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS SAYING!" Sirius screamed as he subconsciously moved closer to the messy-haired boy, until their noses were mere inches apart.

James stood his ground, and remained calm through all of Sirius' outburst. When he'd relaxed, James spoke again, "Then by all means, Sirius. _Explain_." There was still a hint of sarcasm in his voice, but his statement was true. He hated to admit it, but Sirius was right. James hadn't let Sirius explain, he'd just believed what the rest of the school was saying.

Sirius took a step backwards before beginning, "Lina came here for sex. James, I didn't know that was what she'd intended on when this whole thing started. Had I known that, I never would've gotten involved in all this shit. I didn't know, James. I thought you, of all people, would believe me." The look on Sirius' face at his last comment was enough to soften a raging mountain troll.

James sighed as he walked away from Sirius to slide down the wall, onto the floor. "Why the hell would you do that, Sirius?" James' hands became entangled in his hair in his frustration, "Why would you do that to yourself? To Remus? We both know you love _him_, so why must you keep doing things like this with other people? Are you really that much of a sex-aholic? Please, Padfoot, for the sake of Moony, stop bloody doing this." James lifted his head to see Sirius standing beside him. His eyes were glossy, in what looked close to tears.

"I screwed up really bad this time, didn't I? I've completely lost my chance," Sirius turned sharply and slammed his fist into the hard stone wall. He yelled in anger, though what he said was nothing understandable. James knew he had to let Sirius be; he had to let Sirius release his anger before there were any chances of talking to him.

By the time Sirius's tantrum had ended, he was sobbing on the floor, his knuckles bleeding profusely. "I didn't mean to. Merlin, I didn't mean to." Is all he would say, over and over. James felt horrible, not knowing what to do for his best friend. He knew nothing he said would comfort Sirius. The only person who could help Sirius now, was Remus.

"Pad?" James asked the sobbing heap in front of him, "Padfoot, I'll be back in a few minutes. You'll be okay until then, right?"

Sirius said nothing as James stood and exited the Astronomy Tower, looking for a certain tawny haired werewolf.

**And there you have it. Please review, 'cause I know you love me:)**

**Prongsie :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry I didn't have any 'Author's notes' before. The stupid thing wouldn't let me edit it. So, I have reloaded it so I can tell you all how much I love you!**

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**Part Four**

**Sirius' Journal-**

**October 24th Friday**

This has not been a good week. Fucking Lina told the whole damn school about our 'Night of Passion.' Merlin, if Remus and James would let me, she'd be fucking dead by now.

Prongs was so angry with me yesterday. I've never seen him look at me the way he did. It was the same look he saves for Snape; a look of utmost loathing. He yelled and he screamed, and I don't deny that I deserved it, because I most certainly did. It was just scary, seeing James like that.

But he made me understand some things. He led me to realize that if I want Moony, I shouldn't be shagging and snogging all these other people. I should be staying true to my feelings; true to my Moony, and that's what I vow to do from now on. I'm not going to intentionally make Moony jealous,(even though it's never worked) instead I'm going to do everything in my power to make him happy.

In the Astronomy Tower last night, where Prongs and I had our little blow out, Remus came and talked to me. I couldn't tell him what was really wrong, because that would involve telling him about my feelings for him. I'm definitely not ready for that, so I basically told him the same things I told James. I told him how I didn't mean to sleep with Lina; how I didn't know that's what she intended on when she agreed to meet me in the Tower. Remus, of course, believed me, and stayed there with me as I cried. I still cannot believe I cried. Bisexual, yes; Feminine, no. Crying in public just isn't my thing.

Remus shooed Prongs away, saying it would be easier if it was just us, and that was only too true. James left grudgingly; I know he wanted to help, but it was Moony I needed at that moment, not him.

Remus listened to me, and he listened well; very understanding, he is. He wasn't angry with me for what I did, nor did he seem jealous, (Why should he? He doesn't like me like that.) but you know Moony. He's always hiding his feelings, so I would never really know if he was jealous or angry.

Oh how I wanted to spill my soul out to Moony last night, but I kept control of myself. He really cares, Moony does. Merlin, I can't wait to make him mine.

**October 25th Saturday**

Tuesday night's events are no longer the talk of the school. (Thank Merlin) I guess everyone finds Snivellus' relationship with Moaning Myrtle more interesting. Prongs is truly the best mate I could ever ask for, starting a rumor about Snape and Myrtle just to get everyone off my back, even after how angry he was. Now, that's true friendship.

I've just realized that the full moon is only two days away. I should've realized sooner, but I didn't until just last night. Moony was having another cover-slashing, sweat-drenched nightmare. I was the only one who heard him, as usual, and that's when I realized the full moon was approaching. Moony only has nightmares like that when the wolf is close to showing itself.

I went to his bedside, as I always do during these terrors, and woke him up gently. He, as always, had no idea the havoc he was wreaking on his bed. We took a walk to the kitchen to get him some chocolate from the house elves. I always have a stash of chocolate hidden for when these nightmares occur, but it seems some little _rat_ found that hiding spot and ate all of it. So, Moony and I were forced to get some from the kitchens instead. But I have made sure Wormtail won't be eating any of Moony's chocolate anymore. I'll put it this way: The only things he'll be saying for a while is "I'm sorry Padfoot," "No more chocolate for me," and "Bloody wanker!" because those are the only things the hex I put on him will allowed him to say for the next few days. Oh, I am _brilliant_!

**Character Interaction-**

"Moony, how are you feeling?" James asked his abnormally pale friend.

"How do you think I feel!" Remus replied sarcastically, "I'm only turning into a monster tomorrow night, that's all."

Sirius, who sat across a library table from the two boys, and next to Peter, joined in the conversation, "You're not turning into a monster, Moony. You're not a monster."

Peter nodded fervently, clearly agreeing with Sirius, "I'm sorry Padfoot," he said, then promptly covered his mouth.

The Marauders laughed as Peter blushed crimson. "Here, Wormtail. Write whatever you were really going to say down." Sirius handed the temporarily speech-impaired boy a piece of parchment and a quill. Peter quickly scribbled, 'I agree with Padfoot. Moony, you're not a monster.' onto the piece of parchment, and let Sirius read it aloud.

"Like hell I'm not," Remus began, "Even the books say so."

"You can't believe _every single thing_ books say. Just because you worship them, doesn't mean they're always right," Sirius stated casually. He winced slightly as Madam Pince walked by glaring menacingly.

"Now, that's someone who could give Moony a run for his money in book-worshiping," James whispered as the book-crazy librarian passed their table. Sirius and Peter nodded their heads in agreement, as Remus glared at the messy-haired boy next to him.

"No more chocolate for me," Peter accidentally said. He inwardly cursed, for he couldn't curse out loud. James and Sirius laughed again, but this time Sirius' laughter was a bit too loud, and Madam Pince came swooping upon them.

"This is a _library_! Keep your voices down!" she whisper-screamed at the four boys. James and Sirius cowered under her deathly gaze, as Remus whispered his apologies.

Peter, once again, forgot his speech defect, and shouted, "Bloody wanker!" instead of the apology he had meant to say. His hands automatically snapped over his mouth as the librarian rounded on him.

"Detention! Come with me Mr. Pettigrew! We are going to see Professor McGonagall about that mouth of yours!" The seething librarian took Peter by the wrist and led him out of the room, yelling for the remaining Marauders to leave as well.

They did as she commanded, picking up their belongings and hurrying out of the library. James had immediately spotted a flash of red hair, and was gone down the corridor faster than Remus or Sirius could ask him where he was off to. Though, Sirius would've been incapable of saying anything due to the fact that he had doubled over with laughter the minute he'd reached the safety of the corridor.

Remus crossed his arms sternly, "That wasn't funny, Padfoot. Wormtail's in a lot of trouble now because of you," He glared at Sirius as he straightened himself out, trying to stifle his nearly uncontrollable laughter.

"I'm sorry Rem. I didn't think the curse would get him in that much trouble. It was just meant to teach him a little lesson. I'll take it off him next time I see him," Sirius said, still trying to control his laughter as he and Remus walked side by side heading back to the Gryffindor Common Room.

Remus stopped short, "What 'little lesson' are you teaching him?" he inquired the ebony haired boy beside him.

Sirius looked at the werewolf like he'd never seen him before, "Are you telling me you don't remember what he did?" Sirius said incredulously. He grabbed Remus' shoulders and stared deep into his eyes. He was clearly over exaggerating the whole situation.

Remus chuckled lightly, "Let go of me, Padfoot. What has gotten into you today. You're jumping off the bloody walls."

Sirius let go of the boy in front of him, and continued to explain exactly what Peter had done. "He ate the secret stash of chocolate I have for you when you have those nightmares. Don't you remember us having to go to the Kitchens to get you some?" The boys started again on their walk to their common room as Sirius spoke.

"Yes, I remember that, Siri, but I didn't know you kept some in the dormitory," Remus stopped again, and this time it was he who grabbed Sirius' shoulders, "Do you really keep chocolate in the dormitory at all times, just for me?" he asked, sounding happily surprised.

Sirius smiled at Remus' touch. _Merlin, how I love his hands, _Sirius thought. "Yeah, Rem, I do. I always have." Remus let Sirius' shoulders go and the two, once again, made their way to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"That-that's really nice of you Sirius."

Sirius smiled again. There was nothing in this world that could make him happier now, unless it somehow involved himself and Remus without any clothes of course.

**Sirius' Journal-**

**October 26th Sunday**

Today was absolutely wonderful. It completely made up for the shittyness of this week. It seems like every moment I spend alone with Moony is like a moment in heaven. Even if Moony's mad at me for something I've done, like today. Poor Wormtail. He got detention because he called Madam Pincers a bloody wanker, which was caused by the spell I put on him last night. I thought it was hilarious, and so did James, until Evans walked by, of course.

As soon as James was gone, the moment of heaven came. It was just me and Remus on our way back to the Common Room, and he was scolding me for the curse I put on Pete. But best of all, he grabbed my shoulders with those amazing hands of his! Merlin, what I wouldn't do to see those hands grab something else!

Well, Wormy got detention for a week and he lost Gryffindor ten points, but it was completely worth it; I think so anyways. So, he came back to the common room after dinner, and Remmy forced me to put him right. He's fine now, and I think he knows better than to eat my stash of Remus' chocolate now, so it was a job well done.

Full moon's tomorrow night. I can't wait! We haven't had any fun around here in a while, and I think the full moon is a perfect time for the Marauders to go and have a good time. Remus isn't so thrilled about it though. He's been sick all night because of it, and tomorrow will only be worse. My poor Moony. How I wish I could help him.

**Desperately hope you liked it! I have to say, this is probably the funniest chapter I've written so far! I loved it, and I hope you did to! Review Please! 'Cause I love you all!**

**Prongsie :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Here's the newest part of my lovely story. :) Sorry it's so short, but I still hope you like it!  
**

**Part Five**

**Sirius' Journal-**

**October 27th Monday-**

It's nearly five o'clock. The moon will be out in a matter of hours. My Moony's sick as a dog (No pun intended) James is with Wormtail. They're out at the quidditch pitch 'cause James is discussing quidditch tactics for the first match in a few weeks. I'm going to meet them out there after Madam Pom-Poms and Moony go out to the Whomping Willow.We'll all meet him there, and hope we get there before he transforms. I think I'm going to go find him now, and see how he's holding up. He's been so sick all day, but you know Moony. Stubborn as hell he is, and he just can't miss classes two days in a row, 'cause he's sure to be too hurt to go to class tomorrow. My poor, poor Moony.

Merlin, I need a cigarette. This whole Full Moon business makes me so nervous. I honestly think I smoke more than I know, 'cause I just received a new carton two days ago, and yet I'm already down to eight packs. Could I really be smoking _that_ much? But honestly, who would take them? None of the other Marauders smoke, and they're the only ones who know where my cigarettes are. I'm being bloody paranoid. I'll stop now.

**Character Interaction-**

Padfoot's ears pricked at the sound of howling coming from one of the upper rooms of the Shrieking Shack. The dog mind clicked in, and Sirius found his animagus self bounding up the stairs and into the room in which the transformed Moony resided, howling for his canine companion.

Prongs and Wormtail were still in the tunnel that lead to the house, not being as agile as Padfoot, so he and Moony had a few moments to themselves. Sirius let Padfoot's instinct take over and pin Moony to the floor. Moony howled louder as Padfoot licked his face affectionately. The two canines took turns pinning and licking, until the sound of hooves could be heard in the lower level of the house. Sirius regained control of his mind, and willed himself away from the werewolf just as Prongs and Wormtail arrived in the doorway.

Moony howled again at the sight of the last of his comrades. Prongs led the way out of the Shack and into Hogsmeade where they continued to play and enjoy their night. Before they knew it, the night was waning, and it was about time they got back to the Shrieking Shack for Moony's transfiguration to Remus. Padfoot and Prongs guided him back to the Shack, and from there Moony was Padfoot's responsibility. The werewolf instinct never let any but his already chosen mate see him as he turned back to Remus. Sirius was the only of the three Moony had ever let witness him transform.

Padfoot lay comfortably in the corner as he waited for the werewolf to melt away and Remus to appear. The transformation started with a series of agonizing howls and yelps from Moony turning into human screams of pain. Sirius hated this part of the full moon. The transformations had always effected him horribly. He hated seeing Remus in this excruciating pain, and not be able to do a damn thing about it.

Soon Moony was gone and Remus lay in his place. Padfoot morphed back into Sirius, and brought the scratched, naked boy fresh clothes.

"Are you alright, Rem?" he asked as Remus pulled on his trousers. He was shaking uncontrollably as Sirius helped him into the rest of his outfit, "Prongs and Wormtail have gone back up to the castle already."

Sirius continued talking, though he knew Remus wouldn't answer. He never did, for what he needed after the full moon was rest."Come on, Rem," Sirius said when Remus was fully dressed. He brought the boy over to the dusty, chewed up bed, and laid him in it. He transfigured back into Padfoot, and curled up next to Remus, giving him the warmth and comfort he needed. Soon the two boys had fallen into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

**Sirius' Journal-**

**October 28th Tuesday-**

And so the full moon has passed. It was probably the best one this year, in Remus' health, that is. He wasn't nearly as scratched and bruised as he normally is. I brought him up to the Infirmary this morning after he transformed, and slept for a few minutes.

That was the most wonderful part of the entire night. Remus let me, or should I say Padfoot, sleep next to him in the Shrieking Shack. He's never allowed that before; I'm usually stuck on the floor. I guess that's a definite plus for me, isn't it. Merlin, I sound selfish. My Moony has just been hurt and all I can think of is how Padfoot got to sleep with him.

But it was so wonderful! (Here I go again.) I fell asleep as Padfoot, but I woke up in human form. Thank Merlin I woke before Remus did. I think he may have flipped out if he saw me laying next to him like that.

I really wish Remus knew about Moony's attraction to me. Is Remus somewhere inside of Moony when that attraction is occurring? Or is it only the wolf? I want him so badly, when will he realize he's destined to be mine? What I wouldn't do to that boy had I one night with him. Just one lousy night.

**October 29th Wednesday-**

Nothing of importance happened today, so I shall be writing about something that interests me again. Today, that thing is my family, though 'interest' is the wrong word. I think it's time I explain them.

I will start by saying I do not like, or agree with, the ways of my family. They are all pureblood sods who greatly support Lord Voldemort. I am the first of my direct family to not be placed in Slytherin. That's got to count for something, right? I left the family last summer, and moved in with James. I just can't stand living in a house so dark and evil as 12 Grimmauld Place.

My father, Orion Black, I've heard to be very sick. He may even be dying. Is it horrible of me to say that I truly don't care? It's not like he ever cared, so why should I? He never gave me a chance; It was always '_Regulus this_,' '_Regulus that_.' It's because of him that my brother is what he is. He has followed my father's wishes, and become a follower of Voldemort. He isn't even out of school yet, and he's already a death eater, along with my cousin Bellatrix, and her boyfriend Rudolphus Lestrange. It was when I heard of my family's joy at my brother's new level of evilness that I decided I must get out.

All my years in Hogwarts I've had to hide my friends from my mother. She would hate Moony for his lycanthropy, because that would make him a ' filthy half-breed' in her eyes. Bloody wanker. She wouldn't have minded James had he not fallen in love with a muggle-born, or in her eyes a 'Mudblood'. Sometimes I can't believe I was born into a family of such terrible ways.

Everyday I bless the Marauders, knowing I would be just like that sodding family I came from, had it not been for them keeping me sane.

I will always hold a place for Mr. And Mrs. Potter in my heart for their hospitality and understanding. I'll be going back there for Christmas break as well as this summer. I don't know what I would do or where I would be without that family. Merlin, I wish my family was like theirs. They're all Purebloods, but they aren't evil and arrogant about it. The Potter's don't even care that James has fallen in love with a muggle-born. They're even happy for him. I can only imagine what my mother would've done.

I can picture it now... She would've disowned me, had I not already disowned the lot of them. Wow, this is a depressing entry. I think I'll stop now.

**Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it! Please review!  
**

**  
Just so all my faithful readers know, I won't be able to update for longer than usual. I'm terribly sorry, but I promise to have the next chapter out as soon as I can, it just won't be as soon as usual. I love you all, and hope you still love me!  
**

**Prongsie :) **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello all! I am back now, and here is my newest chapter! It's very important later in the story, so read carefully! Love you all!  
**

**Part Six**

**Sirius' Journal -**

**October 31st Friday**

IT'S HALLOWEEN! IT'S HALLOWEEN! IT'S HALLOWEEN! I LOVE HALLOWEEN!

We're supposed to go to a dance thingy in the Great Hall tonight, but the Marauders have a better idea. We've agreed to eat dinner, then it's off to the Room of Requirements for our own Halloween party. For once, it will be just us; just the Marauders, like old times. No other girlfriends,(or boyfriends in my case) no Evans, no one but us.

Lucky Halloween's on a Friday this year. It'll give us time to sleep off our hang overs. Getting up early and going to class after a night of serious (Haha, that sounds like me name!) drinking just isn't fun. I think I might dress up as a pirate. I would make a sexy pirate, don't you think?

Oh Merlin, I just asked an inanimate object a question. I am losing my mind. . . .

**Character Interaction-**

"Come on, Moony! We're gonna be late if you don't hurry up!"

"What do you mean, we're gonna be late? Isn't it our bloody party?"

"Yes, that's why we need to be there on time!"

"But, if it's our party, how can we be late?"

"Just move, Moony!"

James and Remus were rushing through the school, sweaters laden with many heavy bottles, on their way to the Room of Requirements. Sirius and Peter were already there, waiting for the final two Marauders to come back with the drinks they'd been sent to get from Hogsmeade. They'd taken one of the secret tunnels they'd found years ago, along with James' invisibility cloak, and their own creation: the Marauders Map.

Remus had been reluctant in doing what James had intended on when leaving for the village. The boys were not of age to get the drinks they required, and so James had resulted to stealing them under his cloak. Remus greatly objected to this, not wanting to rob the lovely Rosemerta of the Three Broomsticks. After much pleading and many puppy faces, Remus had given in, and allowed James to shove bottle after bottle into his grudging arms.

Because of Remus' stubbornness, the two Marauders were now forced to run through the school in order to make it to their party in the time they'd told Sirius and Peter they would.

They reached the corridor, and opened the previously procured door.

"Well it took you long enough!" was the first voice to reach their ears, closely followed by the unmistakable sound of The Doors in the background.

"That's because Moony here didn't want to steal the drinks," James said a matter-of-factly. Remus scowled at him as he emptied his sweater of several bottles of Firewhiskey. Sirius barked behind him, for he knew Remus wouldn't have wanted to steal from the Three Broomsticks; Remus was too kind to willingly do something like that. Remus felt a slight blush creep up his face at the sound of Sirius' laughter

Sirius called Peter away from the record player, for the boy had been trying to switch the song. Sirius never let anyone switch this song. He took Remus by the arm and forced him to the small dance floor that had been produced in the middle of the room.

Sirius sang out, "Come on baby, light my fire!" at the top of his lungs as he moved around the room. He felt drunk, though he hadn't had a single taste of alcohol yet. He was merely buzzed on life. Life in Sirius' shoes was good at the moment. Here he was, with his three best mates, singing and dancing. He couldn't have asked for more. He had everything he wanted right in front of him, and that particular 'everything' was Mr. Remus Lupin.

Sirius continued singing as he took Remus' hands in his own and began spinning, around and around, faster and faster until he felt he would retch. He let Remus' smooth fingers fall away from his own as gravity drove them away from each other forcefully. Sirius collided painfully with the table behind him, while Remus fell flat on his arse in the middle of the dance floor.

Sirius chuckled at his own exuberance and stupidity. James, who watched the whole matter from the table Sirius fell into, laughed as well. He was happy his best mate was having a good time. That's what Sirius really needed after the previous week's events: To have a good time.

"Pass me a bottle, would you, Prongs," Sirius said when he'd regained his composure. James obliged, handing the boy a large bottle of Firewhiskey.

Sirius took the first gulp, and knew this would not be a night of light drinking for him. By the end of the night, Sirius Black would be completely smashed and wouldn't care one single bit.

Remus had picked himself up from his mildly embarrassing position on the floor, also taking a bottle of Firewhiskey. He figured, if he aided in stealing it, then he might as well drink some of it. He sipped slowly, as opposed to Sirius' noisy gulping.

Peter had also joined the trio at the table, having finally changed the record to something he was more accustomed to: Led Zeppelin. He hummed Ramble On into his cup as the record played. He had been completely oblivious to Remus and Sirius' dancing disaster, as he was too enthralled in the music. This was probably for the better, for Peter knew not that Sirius fancied Remus, though he had his fair share of suspicions.

The four Marauders sat drinking their beverages slowly as the music continued to play. Sirius was on his third glass before any of the others had finished their first. He was quite the drinker, though it took a lot to get Mr. Black truly pissed.

For Mr. Lupin however, it was the exact opposite. He could consume only one or two bottles of Firewhiskey, and already start slurring his words. James and Remus had just opened their second bottle, whilst Sirius and Peter sang along to Stairway To Heaven. When the song had finished, Peter, James, and Remus' low alcohol resistance had kicked in, leaving them thoroughly buzzed, and in Remus' case, thoroughly pissed.

Sirius smiled as he watched his friends getting plastered while he'd only felt a buzz, though he'd out drank all of them by at least three full bottles. None of them had uttered a word in several minutes, aside from Peter's slightly slurred singing.

Once Sirius was sure his friends were entirely drunk, he decided it was about time they did something worthwhile. He knew they would never agree to what he'd planned unless they were under the influence, hence the reason he'd waited until four drinks had been consumed by each to suggest anything.

"Anyone up for a game of Spin the Bottle?" he inquired cautiously.

"But there's no girls," Peter replied thickly, looking around the room, as though a herd of girls would come running out of one of the dark corners.

"Good eye, Wormy," Sirius said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes at his small friend.

Aside from Peter's dull comment, none of the other boys seemed to object, though Sirius wasn't sure James had even heard him, for the messy-haired boy seemed preoccupied with a red party balloon, convinced it was the head of Lily Evans.

Sirius shook his head pathetically at the obsessed insanity of his best mate. "So. . . ." Sirius began, "How about it?"

James snapped his head up from his Lily balloon, "I'll play as long as I get Lily," he said distractedly as he went back to stroking the balloon's hallucinated hair.

"I'll play," Remus stated bravely; Far braver than he would've had he not ingested nearly five bottles of alcohol. He looked into Sirius' stormy eyes, not noticing the sparkle they'd quite recently acquired.

"Alright. Prongs, erm. . . Lily can play. So, Pete? Are you in?" Sirius asked uncertainly, shifting his gaze to Peter's tiny face.

"No, I don't think I want to play if there's no girls playing. I'll just stay here and watch," the light haired boy said quietly. He had never been one to like kissing other boys, or balloons for that matter.

"Okay then. Let's go sit on the dance floor. The bottle will spin easier that way," Sirius suggested. Remus and James shook their heads in agreement as they moved to the marble dance floor. Sirius grabbed an empty Firewhiskey bottle from the table, leaving Peter to sit alone as the dog animagus moved to the floor with the other two boys.

"Who's going first?" Remus questioned Sirius, for the game had been his idea, and therefore Remus felt it should be his decision who went first.

Sirius placed the bottle on the floor, suggesting James go first, just to get him away from the balloon. Though, Sirius' real reason was to let James take the Lily balloon and leave Remus for himself.

James placed the balloon next to him, quickly spinning the bottle. It rotated in its spot several times before stopping at Sirius. "Dammit!" James yelled, "I don't want to kiss you! I want to kiss my Lilykins!"

Sirius inwardly laughed. Lilykins? That was the first time he'd heard that one, "Well, James, since you are so intent on that bloody balloo- I mean Lily, you can kiss her instead."

James' face lit up at Sirius' supposed generosity. Before Sirius and Remus had the chance to look away, James was slobbering and drooling all over the Lily balloon, as he drunkenly tried to kiss it.

"Jesus Prongs! Get a room!" Remus yelled jokingly. His sudden outburst was a rather pleasant surprise to Sirius. Remus never yelled things like that. The crude humor role was usually left to himself and James. The ebony haired boy was beginning to deeply appreciate what alcohol did to his wolfish friend.

"Well, since the balloon can't spin, I guess I'll spin next," Sirius said, smiling broadly as James continued his ministrations on the Lily balloon.

Sirius took the bottle in his hand, lowering it to the floor in front of him. He closed his eyes as he gave it a sharp spin, not opening them until the sound of glass on marble had ceased. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the neck of the bottle pointed at Remus.

Remus seemed unaffected by the bottle's position. There was almost a ravenous glint in his amber eyes. Sirius' smile broadened as he looked into those eyes, knowing they would soon be closed as Remus' pale pink lips were pressed against his own.

Sirius moved forward slowly, looking for any signs of uncertainty in Remus' face. When none could be seen, Sirius moved faster, lips colliding with Remus' quicker than he'd been expecting. His brain went numb in bliss. This was better than he'd ever dreamed it would be. Remus moved his lips expertly over Sirius' as though they'd done this a million times before, though it had only ever happened in the taller boy's dreams.

The five second kiss felt like a lifetime to Sirius. Remus' mouth left his faster than he would've liked, though he knew if he did anything to stop him, Remus may suspect his true feelings. Yes, Remus was drunk, but that didn't mean he wouldn't remember what happened, and Sirius didn't want him knowing how he felt just yet.

When Sirius had reopened his eyes, he realized why the kiss had come faster than he'd expected. Remus had met him halfway through. Sirius' stomach did somersaults at this recent discovery. Did that mean Remus wanted to kiss him? Or was it just the alcohol? Sirius couldn't answer these questions, but that didn't mean he couldn't have hope.

"Pete, toss me another drink," Remus' voice brought Sirius back from his daze, as Peter walked over to the two boys, two bottles of alcohol in his hands. He handed one to Remus and the other to Sirius, for James was still too busy on the floor with his Lily balloon to possibly want another drink at the moment.

The rest of the night was just a vague blur to Sirius, as he had finally succeeded in getting completely cocked.

**And so, there it was! I really really hope you enjoyed it! Please please REVIEW! I haven't been getting as many lately, and it's slightly depressing! I love you all!**

**Prongsie :) **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello all! I hope you are all doing well! This is the next part of my story. I hope you like it, 'cause here it is!**

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**Part Seven**

**Sirius' Journal-**

**November 1st Saturday (7 o'clock in the morning)**

Last night was AMAZING. Wow, that sounded oddly sexual. . . . But anyway, the party went down great. James and Remus got us drinks, and Peter figured out how to use a record player we'd nicked from Evans.

All I can say, is there was enough liquor there to get three of me drunk, and that's really saying something. Those boys really need to learn how to handle their alcohol; they were all completely rats-arsed before I even felt a buzz. Those pansies. But I won't complain. . . I've realized tonight just how much I like Moony when he's drunk. He's outgoing, very witty, and his face is never without a smile.

I got Moony and Prongs to play Spin the Bottle with me. I know, I know, I shouldn't have tricked them into playing, but come on! How couldn't I! And pass up a chance to kiss my Moony? I think not! James ended up making out with a balloon he thought was Evans. (Or should I say Lilykins?) Now, _that_ was entertainment. So, it was just me and my Moony; I spun, (Though, now that I think about it, I don't know why. It was only the two of us, so it was obvious who I'd be kissing) and I predicably got Remus. I didn't think he would do it, but he kissed me. Well, no; we kissed.

Oh Merlin, it was absolutely amazing. I've never experienced anything like it in my life. His lips were softer and sweeter than I'd ever dreamed. He was a much better kisser than I'd ever dreamt. I wonder who he's been kissing to get that good?

I can't remember much else from the party; let's just say, I drank my fair share and then some, and now I've sobered up enough to write. (Though, I can't be certain I'll be able to read it later.) I don't care much that I can't remember anything. What I don't know can't hurt me, right? Let's just hope that stands true for Moony, 'cause as far as I know, he has no recollection of any of the night's events. That's just fine with me.

Oh dear, did I ask you another question? And I just called you 'You', like I'm talking to a human being! I need to stop this madness. . . .

**November 1st Saturday Afternoon**

Today has been, by far, _the_ most boring day I've had to endure in quite a long time. Wormy stayed in bed all day with a hangover, so there was no chance of doing anything with him. James got Remus to help him come up with a plan to finally score a date with Evans. Though, Remus is friends with Evans, so I doubt he's putting much thought in this 'Plan'. He's probably only there to keep Prongsie from doing anything too stupid, but even for Moony, that could be impossible.

I think I'll design my own plan for James. I'm so bloody bored, I might as well go figure out how to get James a girl; a girl who will have him, of course. _Yes! _That's perfect! I know exactly what I'll do! I can already feel the boredom melting away. . . .

**Character Interaction-**

Sirius Black was completely gorgeous; just ask any girl at Hogwarts. Sirius Black was incredibly clever; just ask any teacher. (Except Professor McGonagall, of course. She'd never admit it.) Sirius Black was an unbelievably loyal friend; just find a Marauder and ask him, he'll tell you.

Yes, Sirius Black was all of these things, but that doesn't mean he didn't have a few 'slip ups'. This certain Saturday afternoon happened to be _quite_ the 'slip up'. Loyal friend? Not so much. Incredibly clever? Yes, and no. Completely gorgeous? Of course. Is there ever a time when Sirius Black _isn't_ completely gorgeous?

It was late in the afternoon when Sirius had finally managed to get Peter out of bed. He had to bribe him with a fake Hangover Potion, which was really just a concoction of pumpkin juice and beef stew. Peter, of course, had no idea it was a fraud, and drank it gratefully. Sirius couldn't help but laugh to himself as the blond boy claimed to feel 'ten times better'.

Soon they were off to the library, looking for spells to help Sirius in his little 'Plan'. Peter was incredibly reluctant to enter; clearly, his last visit to the library was still fresh in his mind. Sirius, being _such_ a loyal friend, compromised with Peter, telling him he need not enter, as long as he carried all the books Sirius came out with. Peter, as always, agreed.

Fifteen minutes later, the dark haired sixteen year old was running out of the library, seven large books in his arms. Apparently, when looking for the volumes he wanted, Sirius had made an unwise comment involving the term, 'Bloody wanker,' in earshot of Madam Pince. She had obviously remembered her last incident with those words as well, and hurried the boy out of her library with an interesting spell requiring the movement of gum from one's mouth to one's nose.

"Bloody hell," Sirius said as he piled the books into Peter's arms, "That woman is insane. All I can smell is bloody watermelon. Sodding gum," he muttered as the two boys started down the corridor.

"_Wizard's Guide to Charming a Girl_? Why would you want a book like this? Have you decided you're going straight or something?" Peter asked, confusedly.

Sirius' face erupted with laughter lines at the smaller boy's comment. "Of course I've not gone straight. I got the book for James," he stated in between bouts of laughter.

Peter, walking unsteadily under the pile of books, inquired, "Why does James need this? Has he finally given up on Lily? Merlin knows, it took him long enough."

Peter's last remark had left Sirius mildly surprised. He had no idea Peter thought James' pursuit in Lily Evans was as stupid and pointless as he did. "I'm trying to find him a different girl, Wormy. One who actually likes him back. Merlin knows, there's enough of them. Now, we just have to find one he likes as well." Sirius smiled mischievously as he directed Peter through corridors and into the Entrance Hall.

"Where are we going, Padfoot?" Peter asked, visibly exhausted by the weight of his load, "My arms kill."

Sirius sighed, as though his companion should know exactly where they were going. "The beech tree, of course. Where else would we go?"

The book-laden boy didn't answer, for he had no answer. Where else _would_ they go? They had soon crossed the threshold and began their slow pace across the front lawn. Upon reaching their designated tree, Peter dropped the books with a loud _thump._ Sirius sat in the grass, pulling _Wizard's guide to Charming a Girl t_oward him. He beckoned Peter to sit next to him, tossing another one into his chest.

"Look for spells involving color changing and tracking spells." This left Peter slightly perplexed, though he said nothing about it, and instead, looked through the volume for any spells to do with tracking and color changing; how ever that was going to help was beyond him.

"This is never going to work, Prongs."

"You bloody came up with it!"

"That doesn't mean it will work!"

"Damn it, Moony! This _has_ to work!" James Potter was in hysterics, as he and Remus Lupin headed back to the Gryffindor Common Room, after a morning in an empty classroom, thinking up a plan to get Lily Evans to date James. Apparently, Remus wasn't all too confident in what he'd thought of, for he was trying desperately to talk the dark haired boy out of whatever it was.

"James, this isn't fair. You know this isn't fair," Remus started calmer than earlier, "Why don't you just wait until she's _ready_ to date you. You shouldn't trick her into dating you. It's just not fair," he finished feebly.

James pulled off his best puppy dog face, though Remus couldn't help but think how much better Sirius' was. (Sirius is a dog animagus, after all.) "But she'll never be 'ready' to date me, Moony. She hates me," James explained, "Please, please, please let me do this. Please?" He blinked his eyes exaggeratedly.

Remus looked piteously at his friend, "No, James. I've changed my mind, and I refuse to help you in this. I can't believe I agreed to do this in the first place." Maybe it was the hangover and all the screaming James had done this morning when Remus first tried decline.

James, realizing his attempts would be futile, stopped pestering Remus, and sulked the whole way to the Common Room. The two boys entered, and found a large group of girls surrounding something they couldn't view in their current position.

Remus walked closer, realizing what-or who- these girls were surrounding. "Padfoot? Wormtail? What are you guys doing?" Remus asked, bursting through the ranks of giggling girls to where the two boys sat.

Sirius' face paled instantly as he saw Remus and James appear within the mass of girls, "N-Nothing," Sirius answered quickly, clearly shoving something into his pocket. Peter remained silent, as though he were unaware of the entire situation.

James turned from the three boys, "All right! Everybody clear away!" he yelled at the mob encircling himself, and his fellow Marauders. The girls began to slink away, disappointment written all over their previously amused faces. When the last female had dispersed, James turned to his friends once again. "Padfoot, what the bloody hell was that about?" he asked menacingly. His first thought when seeing the situation, involved Sirius picking his newest snogging partner. This deeply infuriated the boy, especially after last week's events with a certain Lina Akisslee.

"N-Nothing," Sirius reiterated, "I was just handing out some new candies I got from the Kitchens," he said quickly, pulling out a bag of golden wrapped candies. Peter nodded in agreement in the background.

"Oh," James said, forgetting his previous anger. (And plan to win over Lily Evans.) After all, it was just a bag of candy. "Can I have one?" he asked, holding out his pale hand.

Sirius whitened further, if that was at all possible. He knew he had to give James one; it would be too suspicious if he refused. It wouldn't hurt anyways. It wasn't like James was in love with himself, right? The dog animagus slowly extended his arm, dropping a golden candy into James' outstretched hand.

James immediately unwrapped it, dropping the gold paper on the ground, before popping the chocolate into his mouth. Remus looked at the chocolate fondly, and Sirius knew he would want one too. Accordingly, he placed a candy in Remus' hand also, loving the indescribable softness of his mate's fingers.

Just as James had done, Remus unwrapped the candy, dropped the wrapper, and placed the chocolate in his mouth.

By this time, James had finished his piece. He bent down and picked up his previously discarded wrapper, "Hey, Padfoot. Why is the wrapper purple now, and why does it say my name?"

Sirius and Peter couldn't stop themselves from bursting with laughter. Apparently, James _was_ in love with himself.

**The whole "Plan" that Sirius has set up may not make sense now, but I promise it is all explained pretty well in the next part. Sorry if that's a bit confusing! Your welcome to guess what the plan is if you like, but it will be explain in part eight.**

**Hope you liked it! Please review because you love me that much! And I, of course, love you that much! lol**

**Prongsie :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**This is the beginning of what is biggest part of the story so far. It has been divided into a few chaptersfor it is quite long. Because of this, there will be very few journal entries in the upcoming chapters, and I apologize for that, since the story is named** **The Journal for a reason. Also, in the next few chapters, there will be several scene switches. I hope you don't mind, and I'm sorry if you do. The switches are indicated by a boldened "MWPP".**

**Part Eight**

**Sirius' Journal-**

**November 2nd Sunday**

The plan is working great! Wormtail and I bewitched candy wrappers to turn purple and read the consumer's name if they like James, so we'll know every person who likes James, as long as they all eaten a piece of the candy. We also put these spells on the wrappers so they'll show up on the Marauder's Map, and we can find them after they've been discarded. It's brilliant!

Prongs and Moony walked into the Common Room as Wormtail and I were handing out the candies, and Prongsie asked for one. You'll never believe it, (Maybe you will. I should've seen it coming.) James' wrapper turned purple, and read his name! The bloody wanker's in love with himself!

I decided to fill Remus in on what we're doing this morning, though I wasn't sure how he'd react. He seems to think it's a good idea, but he still insists that it's 'Morally wrong'. Well, morals shmorals. I don't care, 'cause James needs to find himself a girl to keep his mind off that bloody redhead menace.

Well, my fellow Marauders are finally waking up, so I shall go now. Imagine! I was actually the first one up on a weekend! I never cease to amaze myself. . .

**November 3rd Monday**

Well, it was another boring Monday in the castle of Hogwarts. But hey, what else is new? Wormy and I handed out a few more candies at breakfast today, and we found some of the wrappers from the candies we handed out yesterday.

It turns out, Madeline Brockery and Lane Hall both like Prongsie. There's only one minor setback; They're both third years. Then there's Angela Midgen. It seriously looks like someone mistook her face for a piece of dough, and tried to make a pizza out of it. I don't think I know anyone with more acne than that girl. Aren't there potions for that crap?

So, as of now, I've found no one suitable for James, but those are just the Gryffindors. We still have the rest of the school to go through. Well, I better go find James now. We've got a Quidditch match against Slytherin Saturday, and he's bound to be freaking out. I should practice more, shouldn't I? Eh, oh well.

**November 7th Friday**

What the bloody hell is wrong with this school? I still haven't found anyone suitable for James! All the little people like him, but everyone our age seems to know him too well. (Either that, or Lily's warned them all about his obsessive ways, and scared every other bloody girl away.)

There was one girl who was actually suitable, but when I went to talk to her, she turned out to be quite a whore. (She almost made the Akisslee bitch look bad. Almost.) I hadn't even finished explaining what I wanted to do, and she was trying to get in my pants. Maybe my incredible hotness was too much for her to handle, but either way, she seemed to totally forget about James.

Well, the power of my hotness is amazing, but that's beside the point. The point is, this brilliant plan isn't working! I must find more wrappers. (Or more girls.)

The first Quidditch game is tomorrow. James has us all out there so often, I don't remember how it feels to be truly dry and clean anymore. With the nonstop rain and mud everywhere, it makes cleanliness and staying dry nearly inevitable. We're all praying the rain clears up a bit by tomorrow; I can hardly tell the difference between a bludger and someone's head!

I think I'll go now. I desperately need a cigarette, and they seem to be disappearing on me again. I've gone through two packs in the past day and a half. There's no way in hell I smoke that much. Someone must be taking them, but who could possibly be doing that? I moved them, and the only person who knows where they are now is Remus, and there's no way he's stupid enough to start smoking. I'd kick his gorgeous arse if he did.

**Character Interaction-**

Peter Pettigrew was never given much credit in the group donned the Marauders. Sure, the boys included him in their activities and pranks, but they hardly ever confided in him as they did with each other. It wasn't as though he couldn't keep secrets, they just never thought he cared that they entrusted none of their deep secrets in him.

This, of course, was not true. He most certainly cared that the Marauders told him none of the secrets they told each other, he just didn't have the courage to say anything about it. Peter never complained; that was just an unwritten rule of Peter's place in the group. Maybe someday that unwritten rule would change.

It was early Saturday morning, and almost everyone in Hogwarts had made their way down to the Quidditch Pitch for the first game of the year: Slytherin versus Gryffindor. Luckily, there was only a light drizzle compared to the downfall of the previous few days, allowing for easier playing conditions for the two teams preparing for their first game.

James stood at the front of the Gryffindor locker room, giving his normal pre-game speech, consisting of a lot of, "Play hard," and, "Crush those Slytherin sods." He discussed last minute tactics and strategies, though it was useless to do so, as the team already knew every move and position by heart.

Sirius was busy trying to put on his red and gold robes, which hadn't yet dried from the previous day's practice, making getting into them particularly hard, as James spoke to the team. To the bespectacled boy's great displeasure, Sirius had been late in his arrival this morning, for he had been searching the near-empty school for Remus, without prevail. He felt slightly put out when he'd finally realized Remus hadn't waited for him, or wished him good luck in the game. Though, it was nothing to how he felt when he finally reached the pitch, to find Remus was not in the stands either. Apparently, Remus was skipping the match all together.

"Five minutes!" came the voice of Madame Hooch, announcing the beginning of the match, just as Sirius managed to pull his robes on correctly.

He wasn't nervous. He wasn't nervous at all, he was just a tad bit upset; upset that Remus hadn't shown up. Remus had never missed a match to date, and Sirius couldn't imagine why he would choose now to do so.

Sirius trudged out of the locker room, his broom over his shoulder and his bat in his hand, as James called the team to attention, leading them out of the room's warmth. The crowd cheered loudly as they entered the pitch and mounted their brooms. The Slytherins were already situated behind Madame Hooch, who had her whistle placed to her lips.

"Captains! Come forth!" She shouted, as James and the Slytherin captain, Thomas Montague, flew forward to shake hands. James' jaw was set hard as Montague tried to crush his fingers in their supposedly uniformed handshake. The two captains flew back to the head of their hovering teams, awaiting the release of the four balls.

There was a shrill whistle, and the balls were set loose. James flew to his post at the hoops, taking up his duty as Gryffindor Keeper. Sirius sailed forward, bat at the ready, preparing to unseat any Slytherin that tried anything on the Gryffindors.

**MWPP**

"FUCK!" Peter Pettigrew cursed as he nearly fell out of his red covered bed.

The sun shone bright through the half-opened curtain around his bed. It was definitely past ten o'clock, which was when Remus Lupin had promised to wake Peter up. Upon looking at his watch, Peter realized he was late for the Quidditch match, which had started fifteen minutes ago, at eleven o'clock.

"Why the hell didn't Moony wake me up?" Peter thought out loud as he scrambled around the dormitory, collecting various articles of clothes along with his wand. He found it very odd that Remus hadn't gotten him up. Remus hardly ever forgot to do something he'd said he would, and on the rare occasion that he did, there was usually a very good reason behind it.

That thought made Peter nervous as completely skipped out on the usual morning shower and tooth-brushing, rushing down to the vacant Common Room instead, intent on reaching the Quidditch Pitch before he'd missed too much of the match.

He had just reached the portrait hole when he heard a familiar voice behind him in the not-so-vacant Common Room.

"Peter, wait."

**MWPP**

"Forty to thirty; Slytherin!" Shouted the announcer, Frank Longbottom, as the Quidditch game continued into its second half hour. Over half the crowd booed and hissed at the proclamation, though the Slytherins made sure their victorious whoops were heard.

For most of the first thirty minutes, Gryffindor had lead by one goal, but Slytherin had caught two goals in the last five minutes, due to poorly aimed bludgers and a distracted Keeper. As the game began, Sirius realized that Peter was also absent from the match. This dispirited the Beater further, if that was at all possible. How could half the Marauders leave the others at a time like this? That just wasn't something the Marauders did. Ever.

Sirius tried desperately to concentrate on the game and hitting bludgers at whichever Slytherin was currently in possession of the Quaffle, but found his troubled mind didn't feel like obeying his wishes at the moment.

He did succeed in releasing the Quaffle from the opposing team's ownership several times, but he had still missed on three occasions in the first fifteen minutes, and many more in the second quarter of an hour. On his latest mis-swing he had almost accomplished knocking James off his broom, resulting in Slytherin's forth goal.

"Come on, Padfoot!" James shouted angrily as he replaced himself on his broomstick, "Focus on the bloody game!"

"Sorry, Prongs!" Sirius shouted back, angry with himself for letting his damn emotions interfere with the match. He needed to forget about a certain werewolf and just focus on a Gryffindor victory.

'Think about it,' he thought, 'If you win, there will be a reason for another party, and you know what happened last time you had a party.'

With that thought-that goal-fit firmly in Sirius' mind, he sped back up the pitch, whacking his bat at the closest bludger, hitting Montague himself on the shoulder. Montague dropped the Quaffle, and it was reclaimed by Gryffindor.

Sirius smiled to himself as Frank Longbottom shouted into the magical microphone, "Forty to forty! The game is tied!"

**MWPP**

Peter froze at the sound of his name, his hand outstretched for the portrait. He recognized the voice, but it didn't make sense. It couldn't be. . . . No, certainly not. He would be at the match, cheering on his team, just like Peter should be.

Alas, it was exactly what it apparently 'couldn't be'. It was Remus Lupin, staring directly at the Common Room fire, with a very stony expression set on his normally animated face.

"Please, come here, Peter," Remus continued, in a dead tone, his eyes never moving from the fire as he spoke.

Peter obliged, though he couldn't deny that he was more than slightly worried about his fellow Marauder. He just wasn't acting like himself. Though, when Remus Lupin didn't do something he said he'd do, there was almost always a good reason behind it.

Not entirely sure what to do, Peter sat next to Remus on the carpeted floor, and nervously asked, "Moony, are you feeling all right? You really don't seem like yourself today."

Remus turned his head slowly, his golden eyes connecting with his companion's, "I feel fine. I just need to talk to you privately. That's why I didn't wake you up this morning," he explained.

Comprehension dawned on Peter as understanding finally shown through. Though, Peter was still perplexed about what could possibly be so important to Remus that he would willingly miss a Gryffindor versus Slytherin Quidditch match just to talk to him. No one ever told Peter anything important, thus the reasoning behind this encounter was a mystery to the blond boy.

Remus sat still, like a cat preparing to pounce on a mouse,(or rat, rather.) He didn't seem to be blinking as much as he should, and by the looks of it, he was steadily counting his breathing. He was obviously very anxious about something; something important.

**So, there it is; the beginning of this part in the story. I truly hope you enjoyed it! It was great fun to write! More to come soon, as always! Review 'cause I know you love me that much! **

**Prongsie :)**

**P.S. Message me if you didn't understand the "Plan" with the candies. I tried to explain it as best I could, but if you still don't get it, send me a message, and I'll try to explain it better.**


	9. Chapter 9

**I am so incredibly sorry to all my readers! I know this took forever to come out! I had such a block, and had to rewrite half of it! But here it is, and I hope you enjoy it! And before I get yelled at, I want to make it clear... Yes, I know James was not a Keeper, but it was best fit for my story. Please, don't be angry. Love you all!**

**Part Nine**

**Character Interaction-**

Peter watched his friend closely, not knowing how to break the near five minute silence. Finally, Remus' voice appeared to have returned and he slowly began, "You have to promise me something before I tell you anything," he said, without blinking or moving his gaze from the barely burning fire.

Anxious to know what he was to be told, Peter replied, "Yes, yes of course. What is it?" as he scooted closer to the tawny boy, anticipation glowing in his eyes.

There were several deep breaths from the werewolf before he continued. "You have to promise me that you will never in the rest of your years repeat what I'm about to tell you to anyone. Not even James or Sirius; especially not James or Sirius." he added quickly, "Do you understand?" His speech had steadily gained speed, as though he were on his deathbed, and these were the last words he'd ever speak.

This vow only added more confusion to Peter's already spinning mind. Not only was Remus telling him an incredibly important secret, he was telling him an incredibly important secret he hadn't even told James or Sirius. That had to be a first; Remus told Sirius everything.

"All right," the blond boy replied, "I won't tell a soul, I swear."

Remus nodded and sighed as he removed himself from the carpet. He moved to the closest couch, and beckoned Peter take the seat next to him. Peter obeyed, picking himself up from the floor, and stretching before situating himself on the cushion next to the tawny haired boy.

"Come on, Moony," Peter pressed after another five-minute silence, "Just tell me what's up."

There was yet another heavy sigh as Remus started, "I-I just don't want you to see me differently. James and Sirius would understand, but Sirius can never find out, and James is too close to him; he'd surely tell him." Remus' voice sped up again as he spoke, before falling back into a deafening silence.

Peter didn't try to break the silence this time. Instead, he pondered what he'd just heard. 'Why would I ever view Moony differently?' he thought, 'And why can't Sirius know whatever it is he wants to tell me? He tells Sirius _e-ver-y-thing_.'

He was pulled out of his thoughtful stupor by the sudden utter of Remus' quiet voice. "I don't know how to tell you this, Wormtail. . . ." There was another pause as Remus' eyes placed themselves on his bare feet, "Peter, I-I think. . . ." he drifted back into soundlessness, squeezing his eyes tight, as though he were fighting back strong, threatening tears.

Peter was suddenly sitting straight in his seat, having shifted to better face his friend. There was an unexplainable excited feeling in the pit of Peter's slightly prominent stomach. They were finally getting somewhere. "You think what?" Peter insisted, "Just say it, Moony."

This time, there was no sigh, no hesitation, "I think I'm in love with Sirius." His voice was strong. This was obviously more than just a feeling; Remus Lupin _knew_ he was in love with Sirius Black.

**MWPP**

The second half hour of the Quidditch match seemed to be more in Gryffindor's favor. Their best Beater was back on track, and their Keeper was no longer screaming at his distracted best mate.

Sirius was constantly whacking bludgers at Slytherins all over the pitch. He had succeeded in knocking the Slytherin Keeper off his broom, where he could be of no assistance to his team in guarding their goal posts. This greatly aided the Gryffindor Chasers, allowing them easier access to the Slytherin goals.

Despite Gryffindor's amazing defensive skills, the Slytherins were still being their brutal selves. Their thug of a Beater, Jonathan McCellen, had illegally knocked out Gryffindor's best chaser, Anthony Johnson, after learning of the loss of their Keeper. This was a huge blow to the red and gold team's offensive abilities.

Because of this unfair attack, Sirius had grown temporarily infuriated, knocking McCellen upside the head with his bat. McCellen's head smashed into his broom, leaving his nose in pieces. There was a huge uproar in the crowd. Many students were cheering and laughing, though the Slytherins were all booing and hissing in Sirius' direction, not that he cared. To him, this was a Quidditch game, not a popularity contest.

"MR. BLACK!" Madame Hooch yelled, as she flew to McCellen's aid, "THAT IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE! Penalty to Gryffindor!"

Sirius couldn't help but laugh as a Slytherin took the penalty shot, just to be hit in the stomach as James deflected the Quaffle with the tail of his broom. Sirius flew to him for a high-five, before heading back up the pitch after a bludger headed towards one of Gryffindor's remaining Chasers.

"WAIT! WHAT IS THAT!" yelled Frank Longbottom from his place in the stands, "IT LOOKS AS THOUGH SLYTHERIN'S SEEKER HAS SEEN THE SNITCH!"

Sirius spun his broom around in time to see the Slytherin Seeker dive towards the ground after what looked like a small golden bug. Gryffindor's Seeker, Quinn Ryder, was right behind him, and catching up fast.

Suddenly, Sirius' head had whipped around again at James' frantic voice. "RYDER! LOOK OUT!" And sure enough, the remaining Slytherin Beater had hit a bludger right towards Quinn, as he stretched out his arm in attempts at grabbing the golden Snitch before the Slytherin Seeker.

"Fuck!" Sirius swore under his breath as he sped toward the bludger, trying to keep it from hitting their Seeker, and their last chance at winning the match.

**MWPP**

Remus hadn't gotten the reaction he'd expected from his smaller friend. Peter's composure hadn't changed a bit, though the excitement had died out of his small eyes. Remus expected this heartfelt declaration to be an enormous shock for the boy, but Peter acted as though he already knew.

There were several more minutes of awkward silence before any words were exchanged. "I figured," Peter said casually, with a shrug of the shoulder.

Remus was stunned, "Wh-What?" he stuttered, eyes wide. He most certainly hadn't been expecting that.

"I figured," Peter repeated calmly. Without warning, his face lit up, as though he'd just spotted a particularly delectable piece of cheese. "You don't remember, do you?" he half shouted, the excitement returning to his plump features.

Now, Remus was truly lost. "I don't remember what?" he questioned apprehensively, completely baffled by the statement.

"Well, of course you wouldn't remember. You were pissed as hell, but then again, I was too, and I remember." Peter was rambling faster and faster, only resulting in putting his lycanthrope friend into a deeper hole of confusion.

"Wormtail. Pete! Stop!" Remus yelled when his aching brain could stand the confusion no longer; Remus Lupin did not like or appreciate being confused, "Calm down, and explain what the bloody hell you're going on about!"

Peter returned to his seat, having stood up and paced in his babbling. "Sorry, Moony," he said with a sheepish smile, "I'll explain as well as I can." There was an incredibly over-dramatic and overly excited intake of breath from the rat animagus, before he burst out, "You kissed!" without an ounce of sensitivity.

If Remus thought he was confused out of his mind before, then his mind had just taken a permanent vacation to Mars. He felt numb; he couldn't think straight. Nothing made sense. He must've misheard; there was no other explanation, for there was no way in hell Peter had just said what Remus thought he'd said.

"Wh-What?" Remus whispered emotionlessly, his eyes never blinking or shifting from the fire in front of him.

"You. Kissed. Sirius." Peter said slowly, as though he were talking to someone whose hearing was failing fast, "On Halloween, you kissed him."

This time, there was no mistaking what Peter had said. Remus had no way of excusing the statement as a misunderstanding, and the words hit him like a ton of bricks to the head. First sign of shock: denial.

"You're kidding," Remus said, smiling awkwardly as he tried to dismiss the whole incident as a cruel joke, "You're just trying to make me feel better because you know I can never have Sirius." Deep down, Remus knew just as well as Peter, that every word he spoke was a lie; a denial act.

"No, Remus," Peter began sternly, using Remus' real name and all, "That's not it at all. I'm not joking, and I would never lie to you to make you feel better, 'cause when you found out the truth, you'd just feel worse." Peter explained, with quite good logic. Somewhere in the back of Remus' numb mind, he was mildly surprised, for he'd never thought Peter capable of such thinkings. The Marauders really didn't give him the credit he deserved.

Remus tried a different plan of nonsense reasoning. "Okay, even if you're not lying, it doesn't change anything. Sirius will never want me. He was probably too drunk that night to know what the hell he was doing, that's all." The werewolf let his head fall into his hands as he spoke.

He hated loving Sirius, knowing he would never have him. It drove him insane, seeing Sirius with someone new every other day, and pretending it didn't matter. He just wanted Sirius to be happy, even if that meant sacrificing his own happiness. After all, love means sacrifice, right?

"Remus!" Peter shouted, appalled at his friend's negativity, "Padfoot is _bisexual_," Peter continued, putting great stress on the word, as though Remus didn't speak English, and needed to hear the word very clearly to understand it, "You've got just as good a chance as anyone else!"

Remus could find no way to deny that fact, and so moved on to his next approach of denial, "Wormtail, Sirius will never like me like that. He doesn't even know I'm gay. No one does, except for you as of now."

Remus sighed for at least the millionth time that morning, though this particular sigh was filled with so much hopelessness and angst, it put every other sigh to shame.

**MWPP**

James continued screaming at Quinn as Sirius pelted towards the fast-coming bludger, trying to save Quinn a trip to the Hospital Wing, as well as winning the match. Through his concentration, Quinn seemed to finally hear James' cries of warning, and looked up. The bludger was closing in on him fast, Sirius right on its tail.

Quinn's eyes visibly widened in fear, though he had no choice but to stay in the bludger's path. If he moved, he would lose the Snitch to the Slytherin Seeker, who was now very close behind him.

"Come on!" Sirius screamed at his broom, urging it to go faster, his arm outstretched, trying to reach the dangerous ball in front of him. Finally, he was close enough to it to whack it away, but it was also only a few feet away from Mr. Ryder in his pursuit of the winning ball.

Sirius closed his eyes tight, and he pulled his arm back swinging the bat with all the strength he could muster. He felt the reverberations of the contact with the bludger, as it soared off in a different direction. There was a huge explosion of applauding and whooping from the crowd, as Gryffindor's Seeker was saved.

The dark-haired Beater opened his eyes, satisfied with his spectacular save, and was forced into the most difficult twirl he'd ever performed on a broomstick to avoid a match-losing collision with the boy he'd just saved. In his twirl, he flew into the Slytherin Seeker, purely by accident, sending him reeling off course.

Before Sirius knew what had happened, the crowd exploded into the loudest series of screaming and hooting he'd heard all morning. He looked at the stands to see three quarters of the school on their feet, jumping and screeching. Frank Longbottom's magically magnified voice couldn't even be heard over the noise of the crowd. Sirius shifted his gaze to the ground, and there stood Quinn, his broom in one hand and the golden Snitch in the other. Gryffindor had won the match!

**Muahaha! Another chapter finished! Hope you liked it, and all it's surprises, if they even surprised you! Love you all so much! Please review! It makes me so happy!**

**Prongsie :) **


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, again I am so sorry that this took so long to come out! And I'll apologize in advance for the next one. It will more than likely take longer, for I'm leaving for a vacation to Florida soon. Sorry all! So, here's the awaited Part Ten. Enjoy!**

**Part Ten**

**Character Interaction-**

Remus Lupin still sat in the Gryffindor Common Room with Mr. Peter Pettigrew, after nearly an hour of denying that Halloween's sweet kiss had meant anything to a certain Sirius Black. Remus had tried every form of defense, from denying the whole incident all together, to denying it meant anything.

Well, Peter Pettigrew wasn't having Remus' latest attempt of defense. Sirius didn't know Remus was gay; So what? That was Peter's thinking.

"Remus," Peter said in an almost exasperated tone, "Sirius not knowing you're gay doesn't mean a thing. Why don't you just tell him? You tell him _everything_." The plump boy rubbed his eye, while vaguely wondering what was going on at the Quidditch match. He had completely forgotten about it in his conversation with Remus, though it was bound to be over soon if it wasn't already.

Remus' mind was hard at work, trying to refuse everything Peter said. It was turning into a hard feat, as Peter brought up more and more hard points to argue with. "I can't tell him, Pete." Remus said dismally. He had decided that fighting wouldn't help, but the truth still had to be told.

"Why the hell not?" Peter asked, temper rising at his friend's pigheadedness. He stood from the couch and walked to the closest window. Upon looking out, he could see a crowd of students walking up to the school. The Quidditch match must have ended, and by the looks of it, Gryffindor had won.

"I just can't, Wormtail. I would be afraid of him taking it the wrong way," Remus replied from the couch, pulling Peter out of his temporarily distracted thoughts.

The blond boy slowly turned from the window to face his woeful friend. "The Quidditch game is over," he said, completely ignoring Remus' latest comment. He didn't want to fight with his friend any longer, and instead decided to discuss a lighter subject.

"Oh," the werewolf responded, mildly surprised. He hadn't even remembered the match. Then a wave of grief overcame him. Sirius was _not _going to be happy with him. Remus never missed the Quidditch games. He could picture Sirius' face when he confronted Remus on the subject. This was not going to be good. "Are they coming back now?" he asked, having a feeling a party would be in order, for Gryffindor had more than likely won.

"Mmhmm," Peter mumbled, without much thought, "I think Gryffindor won. A few Seventh Years had Quinn Ryder lifted on their shoulders, and I don't think they'd do that if Gryffindor had lost." he said in a monotone. It was quite obvious that Peter cared not for conversation.

"Right," Remus said, as he stood from the red couch, heading to the entrance to the dormitories. When he reached the stairs, he turned again and addressed his friend, "Wormtail. You won't tell anyone about this, will you?" There was a note of urgency and pleading in his voice, and a sad look in his eyes.

Peter wanted nothing more than to run to Sirius as soon as he saw him, and tell him everything Remus had confided in him. But he knew he could never do that. He would never be able to break Remus' trust like that. He'd sworn he wouldn't say a word, and so, he wouldn't say a word. He nodded reluctantly, letting Remus know his secret was safe.

"Thanks, Pete," Remus said with a weak smile, before disappearing up the stairs and into the Marauder's dormitory.

**MWPP**

"Come on, everyone! Party in Gryffindor Common Room!"

James' voice was heard loud and clear, over the huge swarm of Gryffindors walking back to the castle. Quinn Ryder was seated on the shoulders of two large Seventh Years, who cheered at James' announcement, for they, along with the rest of the crowd, felt a party was definitely in order after their tough match. James smiled as he too was hoisted into the air.

Sirius stood on the outskirts of the crowd, not being in a very 'Partying' mood. All he wanted to do was find Remus, and figure out why he'd not been at the match. He smiled weakly as James announced the party he knew was to come.

"Sirius and I will get the drinks!" the messy-haired Marauder yelled from his place above the swarm, "And you guys can get food from the house-elves!" James continued, pointing at Quinn Ryder and Frank Longbottom.

They nodded in his direction, though Sirius' reaction was the exact opposite. "Prongs," he began, having to shout to be heard, "You wouldn't mind getting the drinks alone, would you?"

James looked at his best mate inquisitively, but agreed all the same. "Yeah, that's fine."

"Thanks, Prongs," the dark haired boy said, before running ahead of the crowd, in attempts at beating them to the Gryffindor Common Room. He figured Remus would be there, and they'd be able to talk. Sirius had to find out what kept his tawny haired beauty from the match today.

**MWPP**

Remus Lupin was generally quite an intelligent boy, but that didn't mean he never did foolish things. He was a Marauder, wasn't he? But lately, Remus had been doing a particular something that would've been a great insult to his intelligence, if he cared.

At the moment, Remus lay on his stomach reaching for something under Sirius' bed. He pulled out what appeared to be nothing at all, and tapped it with his wand. There, appeared a small box in his lap. The boy returned to his own bed, placing his wand back in his pocket. He removed the lid of the box, placing it on the soft, red sheets beside him. Inside lay a half-empty carton of cigarettes; Sirius' cigarettes.

Remus took a pack from the carton, and placed the box with its lid beside him. He felt guilty, stealing Sirius' cigarettes every so often. He only hoped Sirius hadn't noticed. He'd hate to have to explain to the love of his life that he had been secretly stealing from him.

It had been a few weeks since Remus began stealing from Sirius' stash. He had temporarily stopped when Sirius mentioned the new location of his death sticks, for Sirius had suspected someone to be taking them, though he'd never suspected Remus. In Sirius' eyes, the werewolf was too smart to ever be a smoker. Remus could only wish Sirius had been more correct.

The first occurrence of smoke in Remus' lungs, had been the night he'd found out about Sirius' rendezvous with Lina Akisslee. He had, of course, been there when James called for his help with Sirius, but by then, Remus had already stolen his first pack. Though Remus had comforted Sirius and told him everything was okay, it had been the exact opposite in his mind.

That night, everything had gone terribly wrong for the young werewolf, he just didn't have the nerve to be angry with his love when so many others were already unhappy with him.

Ever since that night, Remus had been steadily increasing the amount of cigarettes to cross his lips, until he was up to three to five a day. He had found smoking to be very relaxing; like a five minute span of calmness in his hectic, emotional world. It was like a five minute break from the pain that came with loving someone you can never have.

As Remus sat here now, mind reeling with new information, he knew no other way to calm himself. He placed the stick between his pale lips, and tapped the end of it with his wand. It immediately ignited, the tip glowing the brightest orange with his first inhalation.

The cigarette was nearly half gone when noise found its way up through the dormitory door. The whole of Gryffindor had undoubtedly arrived from the Quidditch match for their routine Victory Party.

"Bollocks!" Remus yelled as he jumped up from his mattress. Peter was bound to have told Sirius where he was by now, for Sirius was sure to be looking for him. And here Remus sat, with one of Sirius' own cigarettes in his hand. He couldn't let himself be found like this.

He quickly put what was left of the cigarette out, and flicked the clip under his bed along with the rest of the pack he'd taken. It wasn't until he'd gone to lay on his bed with a book that he remembered the box. He swore again, before replacing the lid and tapping the box with his wand. Invisibility overtook it, as Remus scrambled on his hands and knees to return it to its rightful place under Sirius' bed.

There was a quiet creak of hinges as Remus crawled under his mate's bed. "Remus?"

The boy froze. He knew that voice; he'd recognize it anywhere. Peter had obviously informed Sirius of where Remus had run off to, just as the werewolf expected him to. Remus inwardly cursed, for he knew his long legs would be sticking out from where he lay on his stomach, and Sirius was sure to see them.

"Moony, Peter told me you had come. . . ." Sirius began before noticing a pair of attractive legs extending from under his bed. He stooped down to see exactly what his friend was doing, a look of pure confusion on his face. "What are you doing under my bed?"

'Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,' Remus thought, as he wiggled himself out from under the piece of furniture, having put the box back properly. He made sure to avoid eye-contact with Sirius, for he knew Sirius would see the guilt in his eyes if he were to look straight into them. Sirius grabbed his hand, helping him from the floor, before the two boys took seats on the edge of the bed Remus had recently been under.

"What were you doing under my bed, Moony?" Sirius repeated, sounding genuinely curious, as he peered at his friend out of the corner of his eye.

'Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,' Remus restated over and over in his mind. He needed to think of something to tell his dark haired mate, and he needed to think of something _fast._

"I-uh-I dropped my wand." Remus' voice trembled slightly as he spoke. He silently thanked Merlin his wand had been in his hand as he'd crawled under the bed, for it made the story that much more believable. He held up his right hand, indicating the wand.

"Oh," Sirius replied, though he still seemed unsure. He shrugged it off as being nothing of importance, especially when he had something of great importance to discuss with a certain werewolf at the present moment.

He allowed himself to fall back casually on his bed, folding his arms behind his shaggy hair. He didn't want to seem angry with Remus before he knew what had happened. Peter hadn't told him anything in their brief conversation in the Common Room. Maybe Remus would prove more helpful.

Remus shifted in his seat, thoroughly relieved. He sat facing Sirius, his legs folded under him in a pretzel style.

"I'm really Sor-"

"Why weren't y-"

The two boys stopped short, laughing lightly as the both tried to speak at the same moment. "You first," Remus said, still smiling, though he knew exactly what Sirius was going to ask, and his smile would soon be forced away.

"Okay," Sirius said, before his face turned serious, "Why weren't you at the Quidditch match today?" He decided dancing around the question would just be a waste of time, and instead stated it bluntly. "You've never missed a match before, Moony. What happened?"

Remus visibly gulped. He knew the question was coming, but he hadn't yet thought of a cover story to tell Sirius. He'd already lied about the cigarettes; could he bear to lie to his love again? Did he really have a choice?

**Aaaaand. . . there it is! I hope you liked it, and I apologize again for it taking so long to come out! I promise, there WILL be a journal entry section in the next part! I know it's been a while since there was one, and I apologize for that as well! Please please PLEASE review! It means a lot to me, as always!**

**Love you all!**

**Prongsie :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello everyone! Sorry this took so long to come out! I'm still in Florida now, but I did manage to find a computer, and finish this part up. I know it's not long, and I apologize, but hey! We've got some journal entries! YAY! **

**I'll try to get the next part up sometime after I get back home! Sorry for making all you lovelies wait! I'll try not to let it happen again! Enjoy!**

**Part Eleven**

**Character Interaction-**

Slowly, but surely, a story wove like spider webs in Remus' mind. He couldn't tell Sirius the real reason he'd missed the match. Sirius could never find out about that conversation he'd had with Peter. The werewolf had no choice but to lie.

There wasn't much thought behind his lie, for it was a very simple and predictable story, but he was sure he could pull it off.

"I over slept. That's why Wormtail was also absent. I couldn't wake him up as I'd promised I would, for I was not awake myself." As Remus spoke, his voice gained confidence, and he lifted his head to stare straight into Sirius' stormy eyes, adding to the believability of the story. Though, there was still a small place in the back of his mind nagging him; telling him what he was doing was wrong. But what choice did he have?

"Oh," Sirius said simply, warmth returning to his eyes. He had been anticipating something so much worse than that. Some life-threatening story of bravery and pain, not a tale of an excess of sleep. It did explain Peter's absence though, and why in the world would Remus lie to him about something as silly as a missed Quidditch game anyway? (Not that Sirius ever thought Quidditch matches were silly.)

Remus inwardly sighed in relief; Sirius had believed him. Now, onto a lighter subject, "You guys won, right?" Remus shifted again, smiling happily at his closest mate.

"Of course we won! Did you really think those bloody Slytherin sods could beat us?" the dark haired boy joked, pretending to forget their previous conversation, if a 'conversation' is what you'd call it.

"No," Remus stated truthfully, still smiling, "I can hear a party starting. What do you say we go down and have some fun?" he suggested, thoughts of his new knowledge of events during their last party swarming into his mind. Not to mention the increasing uncomfortable vibes of the dormitory.

Sirius hosted a forced smile, "Yeah, I'll meet you down there in a few minutes. I've got to chance and all." The boy looked down at his muddy, damp Quidditch robes he'd never bothered to change out of. He definitely needed a shower.

Remus nodded in agreement, picking himself up off the maroon sheets, praying Sirius didn't do anything unusual, like looking under the werewolf's bed. He headed to the door, waving solemnly on his way out.

**Sirius' Journal-**

**November 8th Saturday**

Remus just left. I'm really not in the mood to explain. Not even to an inanimate object, so I'll put it plain.

1.) Remus didn't show up at the Quidditch game, nor did Wormtail.

2.) Gryffindor won the Quidditch game.

3.) Moony says he woke up late, hence the reason he and Peter missed the game.

4.) I think Remus is the one who's smoking my cigarettes, though I have no proof or real reason to be suspicious about it.

5.) I can't tell if Remus is lying to me or not. I don't understand why he would, but I think he may be.

6.) There is now a party I must attend in the Common Room. Maybe if I get Moony drunk again the truth will come out, if what he told me earlier was all a lie.

**November 9th Sunday**

The party was fun, given the circumstances. Basically, we kicked all the little kids out, (A.K.A. the first and second years.) At five, and we all unanimously decided it was late enough to steal the alcohol, for the younger ones were gone. James and Quinn went to the house elves in the kitchens for some. James always did have an uncanny way with those little creatures.

So, anyways, they came back around five thirty laden with butterbeers, firewhiskey, and all sorts of snacks. They had to magic them all into a small bag so they could carry everything back to the Common Room in one trip.

And so the true party began. I avoided Remus as much as I could until we had all consumed a fair amount of alcohol. For once, Peter decided it would be a good idea to play a round of "I never".**(Author's Note at Bottom)**That kid's ideas surprise me sometimes; It was really a great idea.

Of course, the girls started off with their stupid, childish questions, like, "I never played with dolls." - courtesy of Evans. But when the boys finally got their turns, the game got quite interesting. Apparently, Moony has never kissed a girl, Prongsie has never gone more than 2 days without wanking, and Evans is still a virgin.

It was all great fun, though I must admit, I felt like quite the bad child, having drank to more questions than anyone else. (It's my good looks, I swear!)

The game seemed to on for hours, and everyone was either passed out or too pissed to see straight by the time it finally ended. There was no sober time for Spin the Bottle or Truth or Dare, so obviously I didn't get my chance to kiss my Moony again. Though, if given the chance, I'm not one hundred percent sure that I would've. I still have a feeling he lied to me, and if he didn't, then I feel like an arsehole for suspecting him.

The last thing I'll say, is that I got to carry Remus upstairs when we officially ended the party, 'cause he'd been passed out for quite a while, and not many of us were sober enough to carry anyone anywhere, never mind up the stairs. I probably should've helped with all the other little passed out kids, but I had my Moony, and that's all I cared about at the time. I didn't even bother bringing James up. He was with Evans anyways. He'd purposely made sure to pass out on her. Merlin, you should've heard her scream when she woke up! It was enough to wake the bloody dead! Poor Prongsie!

So, it was just me and Moony in the dormitory last night, and I wanted so bad to crawl into his bed with him, but what would he have said if I had? Would he have cared? Would he have been angry? I couldn't answer any of these questions at the time, and I still can't now. Unrequited love sucks!

**November 12th Wednesday**

And, as usual, Hogwarts life has been uneventful. I'll just mention the very few things of minor interest that have occurred since the party. . .

Wormtail keeps looking at me weird. He always puts this really goofy looking face on when I come anywhere near him, and if Remus is there, he raises his eyebrows at him, and Remus blushes. I'm so confused. It's like they have this little secret going that no one else knows about, but that can't be true. Remus would never tell anyone something that he hasn't already told me, especially not Peter.

I found one of my missing pack of cigarettes on Monday. . . near Moony's bed. Merlin, I feel terrible for suspecting him, but I can't help but think he's been stealing them, and now he's lying to me about it. How angry does he think I'd be about it? How angry _would_ I be about it? Well, I can assure you, I'd be angrier that he's lying to me. I need some better evidence before I confront him though.

I've caught Evans staring at Prongsie a few times in the past few days. Ever since the party, it seems like they're getting friendlier. He's not constantly asking her out, but he's being friendly, and she's not being a bitch. Well, at least someone's love-life is going somewhere.

Love sucks.

**Character Interaction**

Sometimes, we find that our friends are getting everything we wish we had. Does that make us jealous? Or does that just make life unfair? These were just a few questions buzzing through the confused mind of Sirius Black this Friday night.

Yes, Sirius was happy for his best mate. How could he not be? But all the same, he couldn't stop thinking about how unfair life was being to him. Late Friday night, Peter Pettigrew had run as fast as his short legs would carry him, into the Gryffindor Common Room, something concealed in his clenched hand.

"Sirius!" the small teenager squealed as he spotted his friend in the back of the Common Room, "Padfoot! Look at what I've found!" And with that, he opened his palm to reveal a small, metallic purple paper. He waved it in Sirius' face, until Sirius was forced to swat his hand away in annoyance.

"What is it, Pete?" Sirius asked, rubbing his eye slowly. He was too tired to think, and too preoccupied with his Moony-dreaming to care.

Peter looked incredulous, "How can you not know what it is!" the boy yelled, causing Sirius to wince at the sound, a headache growing at his temples. Before waiting for an answer, Peter continued, "It's one of the wrappers from the candies we bewitched! And this one is a perfect match! Someone truly suitable for Prongs!" Peter exclaimed happily.

As though an electric shock had just coursed through Sirius' tired body, he was sitting straight, his eyes wide. "Who's wrapper is it, Wormtail?" He asked sharply, though not meaning to sound angry.

Peter smiled wide, taking a deep, exaggerated breath, before continuing, "_Lily Evans!_"

"WHAT?" Sirius yelled, completely bewildered. He snatched the wrapper from Peter aggressively, flipping it over in his hand to read the name upon it. And sure enough, in slanted, loopy, golden writing, was the name 'Lily Evans'. "I don't even remember giving her one!" Sirius practically screamed, "We've _got_ to tell James!" Before Sirius had finished speaking, he was running towards the Boy's Dormitories, little Peter scampering in his wake.

Now, he only needed to figure a way to tell James about what he and Peter had done without angering the messy-haired Marauder. He was sure James wouldn't be happy with them about trying to set him up with a girl behind his back, but the secrets they learned from it should be more than enough to make up for it.

The terrible power of jealousy was yet to overcome young Sirius Black in his excitement and happiness for his best mate. But it would soon come, once he realized how lucky James truly was, and how happy Sirius could be, if only he knew Mr. Lupin loved him back.

**Author's Note: For those of you who aren't familiar with the game "I Never". . . Here's the basics. **

**Everyone playing has a shot glass, and a bottle of liquor (Firewhiskey in this aspect). One person thinks of something they've never done and makes a statement beginning with "I never." If any of the other players haveever done what that person just said he/she hasn't done, they have to drink a shot glass full of the liquor (Firewhiskey).**

**Send me a message if it still doesn't make sense, and I'll try to clear it up a bit better!**

**Okay, I know, I know. James and Lily didn't get together until Seventh Year! I'm sorry, but I thought it works great in the story! I'm sorry it's not canon, and I hope none of you mind too much! I love you all so much! I hope you liked it! REVIEWS ARE MUCH APPRECIATED! **

**Prongsie :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Well, lovelies, I'm back from Florida! I had a blast! And I wrote most of this on the plane ride home, so excuse me if it's not quite as good as normal. This is pretty much the first part of another long arse scene. It's a very important big part, though I have yet to really finish it. I've also changed my mind a bit since the last part. Sirius' jealousy will come, but not for a while longer than I expected. Sorry Loves! Enjoy!**

**Part Twelve**

**Character Interaction**

"James! Prongs!" Sirius yelled as he sprinted up the stairs, barging through their dormitory door, Peter in his wake. "James! We have to tell you something!"

Sirius didn't see James anywhere in the dormitory, though he was almost positive he'd seen James come up here earlier. Had Sirius not been so overjoyed for his the tousle-haired Marauder, he may have remembered that his best mate owned an invisibility cloak.

"James?" Sirius called, quieter, as he gently opened the bathroom door attached to the room, thinking James may have decided to take a shower before going to sleep. What he found in the small tiled room was not at all what he'd expected.

"Oh, Merlin," he whispered, a hint of lust in his voice. There, right before Sirius' hungry eyes, stood a half-naked Remus Lupin brushing his damp hair in front of the sink, apparently fresh out of the shower.

Wrapped around the boy's small waist, hung a towel, haphazardly held up by one of the boy's fair hands. Upon his deathly pale chest were scars, so many scars; markings of the wolf. Remus saw them as just another everyday reminder of what he was. But now, as Sirius looked upon them for the first time without the blood that covered them on the nights of the full moon, he saw a beauty in them Remus would never be able to see himself. To Sirius, they were just a part of Remus' unique beauty; a mark of his strength and courage.

Sirius stood only halfway through the door way, before Remus' state paralyzed him, his eyes filled with lust and hunger as they drank in every bare inch of the werewolf they could find. Sirius couldn't get over how beautiful the boy was. He couldn't understand how Remus could ever think himself ugly.

As Sirius stared, a fire burning deep in his eyes, Remus' own amber gaze snapped to the mirror, as if a sixth sense had alerted him of Sirius' sudden presence. "Sirius!" he yelled, his face stricken with shock through the mirror. The shaggy-haired Marauder opened his mouth, as though to speak, but found no words suitable for the situation. Eyes wide, he backed out of the bathroom, snapping the door shut behind him quickly, visions of Remus still floating through his mind.

"Padfoot? Are you-" Peter began, but stopped abruptly when Sirius ran past him to his bed, grabbing what looked like a small, black, leather-bound book, before tearing to the door leading out of their room.

"If you find James, tell him about Evans. I have to go." And with that, Sirius sprinted out of the dormitory, down the spiral staircase, and out the Portrait Hole, his journal safely in his hands.

Where he was going, he couldn't say. He just needed to put some distance between him and Remus. He could see the look on Remus' face when he looked into Sirius' eyes. Remus knew Sirius was staring. Remus knew Sirius wanted to see him half-naked. Now, Remus may even know how Sirius felt about him; With just that one slip up, that one look, Sirius told Remus everything he didn't want him to know.

Running blindly, his thoughts lost, Sirius found himself in none other than the Astronomy Tower. Luckily, the tower was unoccupied tonight, leaving Sirius in peace to write. Setting the journal down next to him, Sirius clumsily placed a cigarette between his lips, igniting it with his wand. He closed his eyes gracefully, inhaling long and slow, a brief calmness overtaking his frantic thoughts.

**Sirius' Journal -**

**November 14th Friday**

I think I've ruined everything. Hell, I didn't mean to. Why does he have to be so damn attractive? Doesn't he know what he does to me? Okay, so it wasn't his fault at all, but I hate fucking up like this. I do it all too often. I'm sure you're lost. . . I'll try to explain. . . vaguely.

Lily likes James; the candies told us that. I went into the dormitory to find James. He wasn't there, so I checked the bathroom. . . Well, I didn't find James in there, but I did find Remus. . . half-naked. I shouldn't have stared like that. I should've left the minute I saw him. I know how much he hates being "revealed". I was _so stupid_!

Anyways, I stood there and stared, like the idiot I am, and Remus saw me through the mirror. He must've seen the look on my face. I'm sure he knew I was staring at him. Hell, he probably thinks I like him now. Yes, that may be true, but I didn't want him to find out like this. I wanted to tell him when I was sure my heart wouldn't be broken. Now, I can only pray he didn't notice. It's unlikely, but I'll hope.

And on top of it all, bloody Evans likes James! Now, I'm really going to be the only one who isn't happy. He'll find out from Peter about Evans and the candies, then he'll think up some crazy plan to win her heart, though it doesn't need winning. It's just her pride he'll have to get through. But anyways, he'll think up some crazy plan that would never work for anyone, but somehow it'll work out in the end for him, like we all know it will.

Merlin, I love Prongs and all. He's like a brother, and I really don't mean to be so jealous, but fuck. Why can't I have what he has? Why can't I have the love of my life to myself? Why can't I be _happy_?

Fuck, I need another bloody cigarette.

**Character Interaction - **

"Sirius?" Remus called softly , peaking around the door of the bathroom. Now fully dressed, Remus left the bathroom, entering the dormitory. He saw Peter standing by his bed, a look of surprise upon his face. "Where did Padfoot go?" Remus asked the blond boy.

Peter blinked quickly, before looking at Remus, having just noticed his presence. His voice completely void of emotion, Peter spoke, "Sirius left."

"Where did he go?"

"He didn't say."

"Fuck."

Remus knew he had to go find him. Remus had to tell him that what had happened was okay. The werewolf didn't mean to yell at Sirius. He'd just been surprised to see him standing there, staring at him as though he'd never seen him before. Though, technically, Sirius _had _never seen Remus like that before, full moons being the exception. Remus wasn't upset with him, he was just surprised. How could he ever be angry with the love of his life because of something like that? He couldn't. He really couldn't.

"I'm going to try to find him, Wormtail," Remus said, as he walked toward the door. He had a vague idea of where Sirius may be; Hopefully his idea would be correct.

"Okay," Peter said, "I'm going to wait here for James. I have something to tell him."

But Remus wasn't listening anymore. He'd already reached the doorknob, and was disappearing into the Common Room.

Remus hadn't, as Sirius had suspected, noticed the apparent look in Sirius' eyes as he watched Remus in the bathroom. Maybe he would have if he'd been expecting it, but Remus was so set in his belief that Sirius could never love him, that he wouldn't have noticed it no matter how obvious it had been. He merely thought Sirius had fled the dormitory because Remus had appeared angry with him.

He walked out through the Portrait Hole, and started on his way to the Astronomy Tower. Remus knew Sirius would be there, for he could always be found there when he was upset. What he was doing, Remus couldn't be sure.

**MWPP**

What had happened in the bathroom between Remus and Sirius, Peter couldn't be sure, but he had quite a few observations that led him to some quite accurate suspicions.

Sirius hadn't gotten all the way through the bathroom door when he stopped dead. Not long after, Remus had yelled his name, as though Sirius was doing something he shouldn't have been. Sirius had then left the dormitory in what could've been regret or rage, Peter wasn't sure. And minutes later, Remus had emerged as well, his hair damp, and his clothes thrown on haphazardly.

Peter could come up with only one conclusion: Sirius had accidentally walked in on Remus, and when Remus noticed him standing there, he'd yelled in surprise, for Peter alone knew Remus wouldn't mind Sirius looking at him. But why would Sirius have frozen in the doorway if he'd walked in on Remus? Wouldn't he have quickly apologized and left?

And so came Peter's accurate suspicions. Sirius liked Remus. Sirius had accidentally walked in and stared at the one he loved, as any sixteen year old boy would have. The plump boy _really _wasn't given enough credit. Peter knew what he had to do, but he'd need help. He'd need James' help.

As though Peter's thoughts had summoned him, James appeared in the doorway just seconds later, tucking his invisibility cloak back into his pocket. "Hey, Pete," he said happily, unwrapping a Honeyduke's chocolate bar, "Want one?" he asked, pulling another bar out of his pocket. Well, that explained where James had gone.

Peter shook his head before speaking, "Prongs, I've got a few things to tell you." He beckoned James to sit next to him, and a confused James obliged.

"What's up, Wormy?" James asked, taking another bite from his chocolate bar, surprised at Peter's seriousness.

The smaller boy decided to tell James about Remus and Sirius before telling him about Lily, for that would send him into such ecstacy that Peter wouldn't be able to tell him anything else afterwards.

"I think Sirius likes Remus."

**MWPP**

"Sirius?" Remus called softly as he creaked the heavy wooden door at the top of the Astronomy Tower open. "Sirius, are you up here?" Closing the door as quietly as he could, Remus squinted around the pitch black tower.

Suddenly a small pinprick of the brightest orange caught the werewolf's keen eyes. He smiled weakly, recognizing the unmistakable glow of a cigarette; Sirius' cigarette. Slowly, Remus moved forward, his smile fading as he neared the seated form of the smoking Sirius hidden in the darkness of thetower.

"Padfoot?" he said in a barely audible whisper, "Padfoot, can we talk?" As his feet carried him mere inches from Sirius, he realized the dark-haired boy had been staring at him, most likely since his entrance to the tower. He looked neither hurt nor angry, though a shine of guilt could be seen in his ebony eyes.

Taking a long, exaggerated drag off his Marlboro, Sirius spoke, smoke seeping from his lips as they formed his words. "I'm sorry, Moony."

Sliding down the wall, wrapping his arms around his folded knees, Remus took the cigarette from between Sirius' elegant fingers, putting it out upon the cold stone floor of the tower they occupied.

"Hey! Wh- " Sirius began, but stopped abruptly when he found himself wrapped in the tawny boy's warm embrace. His eyes widened as his heart pounded in his chest.

"I'm not mad at you, Padfoot," Remus said soothingly, "It was just an accident. I understand. I didn't mean to sound angry. I was just surprised."

The dog animagus seemed to have temporarily forgotten how to speak, and instead simply nodded, acknowledging what his mate had said. He was much too numb with shock and private bliss to speak.

'Oh, Merlin,' Sirius thought, 'He's touching me! He's bloody hugging me, AND he's not angry! Oh, Merlin!'

**Well, there you have it. The beginning of another foolishly long, important, journal entry-less scene. Sorry about that. :) But you still love me! Everything should be coming together soon! YES the story is coming to an end. . . Unless I change my mind again, which I may. But don't worry! You've still got at least five more parts coming! Review because you love me!**

**Prongsie :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello all! Sorry for the terrible cliffie last chapter. Here's the next part! Please forgive me if it's not as good as it probably should be. I've been having some emotional problems in my life lately, and my will to write has been shot. No flames, please!**

**Part Thirteen**

**Character Interaction -**

Uneasy laughter filled the Boy's Dormitory after Peter's shocking statement. James, of course, knew very well that Sirius liked Remus, but Peter wasn't supposed to know. Peter would surely tell Remus; that boy just couldn't keep his mouth shut.

Nervously rubbing the back of his neck, James asked, "Wh-what makes you say that, Pete?" As though he were completely oblivious.

"A lot of things, actually," Peter replied, very serious, "It's become very clear to me tonight. Do you think I'm right?" he inquired, wanting verification that he was not alone in his beliefs.

"I, uh, I dunno, Wormtail," James said, trying to get the slight squeak out of his voice, "What happened?" He was referring to whatever had happened tonight that obviously lead Peter to suspect Sirius of having feelings for Remus. James could only imagine what had taken place.

Peter sat atop his red bedcover, waving James over with a pudgy hand. James obeyed, sitting beside him apprehensively. Once seated, Peter began, "Well, me and Padfoot came up here looking for you, and you weren't here, so Padfoot went to check the bathroom, and then he just froze in the doorway. I couldn't see what was going on, but after everything happened I figured it out. Moony had been taking a shower or something, and Padfoot walked in on him. BUT instead of leaving, he stayed and stared. Now, why would he do that if he didn't like Remus?" Peter spat out faster than James had ever heard him speak before. It took a few seconds silence before the bespectacled Marauder realized Peter had asked him a question at the end of all that quick rambling.

"I dunno, Peter," James said while he inwardly cursed Sirius for being such a horny twat all the time. If Sirius didn't want to be found out, then he should be a bit more careful in his peepings.

"Well," Peter began again, forcing James to roll his eyes as he prepared for another long, difficult speech from the boy beside him, "I think it's a good thing." And that was all he said. No long sentences, and no rambling.

"Do you?" James said, wondering where in the world this conversation was going.

"Yes," Peter stated as-a-matter-of-factly, "I do." He knew if he wanted to get James' help, he was going to have to break Remus' trust and share their secret with James. Remus may be angry at him for it, but Peter was sure he'd be thanking him later.

The dark-haired Marauder could tell his companion was burning to say something by the look of excitement in his eyes, but James also knew Peter was waiting for him to reply first. Peter had always been one for dramatics. James figured he may as well make the boy happy, "And why is that, Wormtail?"

"Because Moony likes Padfoot."

**MWPP**

As Remus pulled away from the warm body he'd previously wrapped himself around, an unseen blush kissed his pale cheeks in the darkness. "I'm sorry for yelling, Padfoot," Remus said, for lack of knowing what else to say in this awkward silence. He hadn't hugged Sirius like that in ages. Merlin, did it feel good to do that again.

"It's all right, Moony," Sirius said quietly, pulling out another cigarette, for his first had been crushed on the stone floor. "I wasn't angry about that. I should've knocked first or something. I honestly didn't mean to."

As Sirius reached to place the cigarette between his lips, Remus pushed his hand back down. "You didn't do anything wrong, Sirius. So you accidentally saw my chest; I'll get over it. It was an accident."

Thank Merlin for the darkness, for it greatly obscured Sirius' bewildered face. Remus thought it was an accident? But that didn't make any sense? Now that he thought about it, none of this really made any sense. Shouldn't Remus be angry or at the very least creeped out by Sirius' staring?

Then it hit him. Remus _hadn't _realized what Sirius was really doing. He merely thought it to be an accident. Now, the tall boy understood. He could've laughed in realization, had Remus not been there to ask questions as to what he found so funny.

Again, Sirius brought his hand to his lips, placing the cigarette between them, for Remus made no attempts to stop him again. With a tap of his wand, the cigarette glowed dully in the dark tower, until an inhalation was taken.

But it wasn't Sirius who'd done the inhaling.

**MWPP**

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," James held one hand before him as a signal to stop, while he used his other to 'clean out his ear'. (And he says Peter is one for dramatics.) "What the bloody hell did you just say?"

Peter looked at his friend with a raised brow, before cracking a smile at his mate's odd behavior. "Moony likes Padfoot. He told me not too long ago."

"No way!" James yelled, smiling as he said it, his hand jumping to his hair, "No bloody way! That's completely MAD! And why would that sodding arse tell you instead of me?" James yelled in blind happiness as plans only a Marauder could think up began forming in his mind.

Chuckling at his friend's reaction, Peter replied nonchalantly, "Yes way, and he told me 'cause he knows how close you are to Sirius and he didn't want you to tell him." Peter pulled his legs up onto the bed, crossing them beneath him as James jumped off the bed to pace with excitement.

"This is BRILLIANT!" James yelled, "We've _got _to get them together, Wormy!"

"So, Sirius _does_ like Remus, then?"

"Yeah, he does. He's been in love with that silly werewolf for fucking _years_."

"How the hell do you keep secrets that long?"

"Sirius is a big kid. He'd murder me."

"True. True."

The two boys continued conversing in their dormitory, trading ideas of how to get their two best mates together, while said mates sat in a certain tower on the brink of a massive fight.

**MWPP**

"Remus!" Sirius yelled in surprise, as he watched the scene in what was, to him, slow motion.

Remus had, again, reached over, and removed the stick from Sirius' lips after he'd ignited it. Instead of sliding the tip across the stones as he'd previously done, the werewolf placed the Marlboro between his own lips, inhaling deeply as his eyes closed. A brief calmness washed over him only to be interrupted by Sirius' shocked shouts.

"What, Sirius?" Remus asked, as though he were completely innocent. Inwardly, Remus was repeatedly smacking himself in the forehead. Why in the world had he just done that? Did he have a death wish or something? Damned werewolf impulses.

"It _has _been you!" Sirius said in awe, for the anger he knew would come hadn't risen just yet. It was still hard to believe he'd been right, but his suspicions were undoubtedly confirmed, "You _are _the one who's been stealing my cigarettes!"

The stunned Marauder didn't know what he should do now. He was so angry with Remus for not confiding in him that he was smoking. Though, deep down, Sirius knew exactly why Remus hadn't told him sooner. He knew how angry Sirius would be when he found out, but that was no excuse! Sirius had told Remus he thought someone was taking them, and he hadn't been happy when he'd shared that information. Remus obviously hadn't wanted to anger him. _But he should have known! _He should have known Sirius would find out eventually and then he'd be even angrier.

And Remus did know. He'd known all along, but he was still too afraid to say anything. This was the only way he knew of to tell Sirius; to show Sirius.

Letting the cigarette fall limply to his side, Remus looked into the dark eyes of his best mate. He could read those eyes better than anyone, and what he read now wasn't good. He could see anger and hurt, with a small amount of concern in the background. "I'm sorry, Sirius," were the only words he could find.

"But _why_, Moony?" Sirius demanded, not sure exactly what he was referring to, for there were a lot of 'why's he wanted answered.

"Why what?" Remus asked, dropping his gaze to the burning orange of the cigarette. It was too painful to see what he'd done to his unknowing lover.

Sirius paused for a second, rage etched into every pore on his face, "Why the fuck are you smoking? And why the hell didn't you tell me? Why did you steal from me? And why did you bloody hide it from me?" Sirius shouted, as he wrenched himself from the floor to stand in front of the near-cowering werewolf. He could see a great deal of fear in Remus' eyes as he stared petrified, from his place on the floor. Had Sirius not been so blinded by anger, he may have considered calming down. Damned Black tempers.

Remus stared into the stormy, anger-filled eyes of the boy above him, inwardly cursing himself for being so stupid. Why had he chosen now to tell Sirius? He should have bloody told him some other time, any other time. Hell, he should have told him the day he started. Why hadn't he? One of Sirius' many questions. Why hadn't he told Sirius?

"I. . . I don't know, Sirius," Remus pushed himself up with the hand unoccupied by the slowly burning cigarette. When he was standing, he found it very hard to keep his eyes on the raging ones of his mate's. Staring at the cigarette still grasped loosely between his fingers, desperately blinking back tears, he murmured, "I'm sorry."

**MWPP**

Within half an hour, the two Marauders had nearly finished plotting out Plan : MoonyandPadfoot, in which they'd planned get their two mates together. It wasn't the simplest of plans, and some outside help wouldn't be a bad idea. They could pull it off. Hopefully.

"How in the bloody hell do you expect me to get Lily to help, Wormy?" James demanded, confused by Peter's suggestion for "Outside Help". He'd stopped pacing, and now sat on his own bed, across from Peter's, puzzlement spreading over his features.

Peter's hand swiftly connected with his forehead as he slapped himself in his own oblivious stupidity. He still hadn't told James about the candies. Whoops.

"Well, you see. . ." he paused, smiling weakly, vaguely wondering what was going on with Remus and Sirius before beginning the tale of the infamous candies. "A few weeks ago, Sirius and I, uh, we decided you needed to find yourself a. . . a girlfriend," he stopped at the look of amusement playing across James' face as he listened to the story.

It was so like Sirius to do something stupid like that, James thought as he listened to Peter's awkward tale. But what the bloody hell did this have to do with anything they'd been talking about?

When James made no comments, Peter continued, "Do you remember that candy you ate a few weeks ago? The one whose wrapper read your name afterwards?" Peter asked, finding this to be a better route to sharing the story.

Puzzlement once again found its way to James' face, "Yes?" he said unsure, "Why?"

"Th-The candy you ate. . . . Me and Sirius put spells on them. That's why we were handing them out when you and Moony arrived," Peter continued, watching James' expression carefully. He didn't feel like dying just yet. "If the person who eats the candy likes you, then the candy wrapper would turn purple and read that person's name."

"So. . ." James began, drinking in everything he'd just learned, "You guys know who likes me? Wait. How the hell did you find the wrappers? I'm sure people must've chucked them."

Inwardly sighing in relief, for James didn't appear angry, Peter continued, "We put tracking spells on them. We could find them with the Map." he replied, referring the Marauder's Map, of course.

"Ooooh," James said, realization hitting him square in the face. "I have a feeling I should be angry, but for some reason, I'm not. So, who likes me?"

Near Sirius' bed, Peter found the purple wrapper revealing everything James had ever wished for in two small words. Sirius must've dropped it in his haste to leave the room after the "Bathroom Incident". Peter stooped down, swiftly picking it up in his hand.

"Here," he handed the small paper to James, hoping the bespectacled boy didn't do anything _too_ extravagant when he read it.

**As I stated earlier, please forgive me if it wasn't that great. I'm sorry. I love you all, and I hope you still love me!**

**Now, I know I'm gonna sound like such a bitch, but something has just come to my attention. Nearly seventy people have an alert on this story, and yet I'm only getting ten to fifteen reviews per chapter. Come on, people! I know you love me more than that!**

**And I'd like to thank all my readers who have been reviewing right along. You guys ROCK! And even more thanks to those of you who actually take the time to read these author's notes. You rock EVEN MORE! **

**Sorry for the bitching!**

**Prongsie :) **


	14. Chapter 14

**Ahh, my Lovelies. . . I can't thank all of you enough for the reviews! I must say, it was a definite upgrade, and it made me very, very happy! So, here's the next part. I'm having a bit of a block with the rest of this story, so it may take longer for updates. Sorry! I _WILL_ finish it, I promise! LOVE YOU ALL! Enjoy!**

**Part Fourteen**

**Character Interaction - **

Sirius had begun pacing the Astronomy Tower, unable to find the words to say to the werewolf who stood in a dark corner, silently watching his mate. Sirius knew he had every right to be angry with Remus, but he _hated_ being angry with Remus. They'd only ever fought once before in their lives, and that was in their fifth year when Sirius had a mental relapse and sent Snape after Moony in the Shrieking Shack. For that, Sirius knew very well that he deserved every bit of anger Remus shot his way.

The cigarette Remus had once held now lay upon the cold floor, having burned itself out over time, with only one breath taken. Remus couldn't bring himself to smoke anymore, nor did it seem appropriate in the current state of matters. He could only stand and watch as Sirius paced up and down the length of the tower, occasionally throwing glances his way. Some were angry, while others seemed a bit weaker, as though Sirius were regretting his outburst. In all honesty, Remus didn't want him to regret his outburst. The werewolf felt he'd deserved to be yelled at. He'd lied and stolen from the one person he truly loved. He deserved Sirius' anger.

Finally, Sirius' pacing came to a halt in front of the sandy-haired boy. He took a deep breath, careful to keep his eyes on anything but Remus', for he'd long-since noticed the tears welling up in the amber depths. "Remus, I really am disappointed in you, and quite a good deal angry, but I don't want to do this right now. I don't want to fight," he finally willed himself a glance into the boy's amber eyes, silently urging him to speak.

"I understand, Sirius," Remus said, blinking away any trace of tears there had once been, never removing his gaze from Sirius' stern, but soft, face. He had to see the emotion behind those stunning eyes. "I could apologize a million times, and it wouldn't fix a damn thing. You have every right to be angry, and I know how very much I deserve that anger, but I'd do anything for your forgiveness, Padfoot."

"I know, Moony, I know. Just-Just don't do it again, and if you must, tell me. I'll give them to you if you really need them, but please, don't steal from me. A-And don't lie to me," Sirius replied quietly, happiness lying somewhere in his mind as he acknowledged the use of each other's nicknames. They never could bring themselves to say them when in a fight; it just didn't seem to fit the 'fighting mood'.

A fresh wave of guilt swept over Remus as Sirius spoke. 'Don't lie to me,' Sirius had said. _'I can't stop lying to you, Sirius,' _Remus thought as his mind jumped to a different deception he'd been leading, _'I've been lying to you for years.'_

"I won't, Padfoot," Remus assured him, stepping out of the shadows, "I won't."

**MWPP**

James took the candy wrapper from Peter's hand eagerly, reading it quickly. And promptly, his jaw dropped. "L-Lily Evans. . . ." he whispered, as though the words themselves were the sweetest chocolate he'd ever eaten. "LILY - BLOODY - EVANS!" He screamed as he jumped from his bed, "NO FUCKING WAY!"

He clutched the wrapper close to his heart, as he twirled and jumped wildly around the room, all the while, chanting, "Lily likes me! Lily likes me! LILY LIKES ME!" You would've thought she'd agreed to marry him or something.

"Prongs!" Peter yelled from his place next to Sirius' bed, where he was trying not to get hit. The volume of his companion's voice had become a bit too over the top, "JAMES!"

James stopped his chanting dance abruptly. "What?"

"If you don't shut up, the whole school's gonna know. Do you really think she'd want to date you if you told the _whole bloody school_ that she likes you?" Peter asked, making up any bullshit idea he could to get James to lower his voice.

"Ahhh," James said, pointing a finger in Peter's direction, laughing lightheartedly, "Good point, Wormtail."

Peter nodded, relieved at the silence he could now enjoy. . . But not for long, as James had another question.

"Do you think Lily would go to Hogsmeade with me this Saturday?"

"Let's hope so. If she doesn't the plan may not work as well."

"Okay, that's not gonna be easy. So, pretty much, I _have_ to get a date with Lily for Moony and Padfoot's sake?"

"Pretty much."

"Oh, fuck."

**Sirius' Journal - **

**November 15th Saturday 1: 34 AM**

Wow, tonight just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Thank Merlin everyone's asleep now. Remus and I just got back from the Astronomy Tower a few minutes ago, where I officially confirmed my suspicions. Remus is the one who was stealing my cigarettes. And I felt bad accusing him. At least I was right, right?

He came to the tower to assure me he wasn't angry about the 'Bathroom Incident', and it took me a while to figure out that he _hadn't _noticed my staring in the bathroom. He thought I was upset because he yelled at me. But that's all irrelevant to what's going on right now.

So, I sit down for a cigarette after we finish talking, and he comes out of no where, and snatches the damn thing right from my mouth, and puts it in his own! Damned if that wasn't a wake up call! Though, I think that's what he was aiming for. He wanted to tell me, but he didn't know how. Maybe for him, it was just easier to show me. But Merlin! He could've given me a warning or something!

The bottom line : He smokes. I don't know why. I didn't ask. Hell, at the time, I didn't want to know, though it wouldn't be bad information now. I know I should be trying to stop him, but what right do I have to tell him not to smoke? I've been smoking for years! And now that I think about it, it _was_ kind of sexy. I've always found smokers kind of sexy. . . . And I've always found Remus kind of sexy. Hmm, maybe it's not so bad. . . . Damned hormones!

I was, of course, quite angry when I found out. Though I was more angry he didn't tell me about it than the fact that he smokes, or even the fact that he was stealing cigarettes from me. Had it been anyone but my Moony, I'd have flayed them alive. But, why the bloody hell wouldn't he just tell me? Did he think it would be better if I found out on my own? From the amount of time I've noticed my cigarettes going, it's obvious he's been at this for a while. Why the hell didn't he just tell me sooner?

So many unanswered questions, as always. Well, I can't deny, I still love the sodding werewolf to death. Thief, sexy smoker, and all. I love him.

**November 15th Saturday 11: 45 PM**

I think Moony and I will be okay. We never could fight very long. Even in Fifth Year, when I sent Snape after him in the Shrieking Shack, that fight ended in less than a week. Sure, I got my share of screaming, but still. It's too much effort being angry at each other. Ah, the drama of it all!

Anyways, we're gonna be fine. I forgave him, (I mean, c'mon! I'm in love with the kid!) and he's made it clear that he'll ask from now on if a cigarette is needed. No more stealing, and no more lying. I'm still not thrilled with the idea of my Moony smoking, but he says he's not addicted, and he doesn't do it often. Only when he needs to calm down, and I can relate to that. But what could possibly put Remus into such a tizzy that he'd need a cigarette? For me, it was, of course, my bloody family, but as far as I know Remus' life is dandy. (Aside from being a werewolf and all.)

He's got a great family, and an even greater circle of friends.(A.K.A. moi) He's smart and gorgeous, and he's fine enough to tie heart-breaker Sirius Black down. (Yeah, yeah, I know. He's got no clue that I love him, and I haven't exactly been faithful to that love, 'cause I'm a horny bastard, but still.) What else could he possibly want?

Remember how I said Peter was acting all weird around me last week? Well, now James is doing it too. At meals they both laugh whenever I look at them, and when I mentioned Hogsmeade next Saturday, they both went nearly insane with laughter. What the hell is wrong with them?

OH YEAH! James is gonna ask Lily to Hogsmeade tomorrow! Wormy told him about the candies while Moony and me were in the Astronomy Tower. I guess he figures he's got a chance now that he has proof she likes him. Well, I wish him the best of luck, but DAMN! Why the hell can't I be that lucky? HE ALWAYS GETS HIS WAY! Bloody lucky prat.

Don't be jealous, Sirius. Don't be jealous. He's your best mate. Like a brother. Be happy for him. Big smile. That's it. Big fake smile. Ugh, depressing shit, that is.

I think I know what we need. James and I need to go torture Snape. We haven't done that in at least, erm, a week maybe? It's got to be a record! But for now, I need sleep. . . and a cigarette, but we won't get into that right now.

**So, there it is! And the Journal Entries are back! YAY! Leave a review, 'cause it makes me feel very, very special to know that you all love me. I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as I can! LOVE YOU ALL!**

**Prongsie :) **


	15. Chapter 15

**Oh my God, my Loves, I am SO SORRY! I know this took FOREVER to get out and I feel TERRIBLE. (Notice the capslock of rage) My laptop died on me and I nearly lost the whole story, so I had to find other means of writing this and getting it typed up. Now, I finally got my computer fixed, so I'm back and I'll hopefully be able to post more. Terribly terribly sorry. **

**Part Fifteen**

**Character Interaction -**

There were many adjectives to describe James Potter. Popular, confident, intelligent, brave, cunning, and every once in a while: scared shitless.

Now, what on Earth could possibly scare Courageous James Potter so deeply? The one and only female with a temper as fiery as her hair, of course; Lily Evans.

Walking to the Great Hall on the morning of the fateful day in which James HAD to get a date with Miss Evans, he was seriously second-guessing himself. Though he and Peter had discussed the whole affair, there was still the chance that Lily wouldn't go for it. She was so bloody complicated.

"What if it doesn't work, Pete?" James asked his plump mate as they walked slowly towards the Great Hall. "What if she doesn't want anything to do with me, like always."

Peter shook his head as he looked up at his bespectacled companion. "It'll work, James. Just don't be such a bloody wanker when you're asking her out this time. Be _sensitive. _Girls love that shit."

They had just reached the head of the marble staircase when they spotted her. Lily was standing in the Entrance Hall giggling with a group of her friends, running a hand through her fiery hair.

"Come on, Prongs. Go talk to her," Peter urged as he pushed James closer to the head of the stairs. "I'll cover you from here."

James nodded solemnly as he gulped visibly. Clutching that lucky purple wrapper in his fist, James began the decent of the massive staircase. Thoughts chased each other through his mind, each worse than the previous.

'_This is never going to work. She still hates your guts. No matter how much damned "evidence" you show her, she's still going to hate your bloody guts. Oh Merlin, this is suicide.'_

Lost in his negative beliefs, the Marauder didn't even realize he'd reached the Entrance Hall floor. Lily now stood mere feet away from him. Swallowing hard, James muttered, "For Sirius and Remus," before taking the last few steps separating him from his red-headed beauty.

"Hey, Ev-Lily," he called over the babble of the crowd of girls, "C-Could I talk to you for a sec?"

For some reason, the giggling only seemed to increase at his words, as the crowd whispered feverishly, pushing Lily away from them. After a pitiful attempt at stopping them, Lily was buffeted to James, where she stood, arms crossed in a defiant stance. "What do you want, Potter?" she asked coldly.

James gulped at her tone. This really wasn't going to be easy. "I, uh, I found something that might. . . interest you," James said in a monotone, holding out the small candy wrapper he'd had clenched in his fist.

Lily took the item with a raised eyebrow. After turning it over several times in her hand, she spoke, "Cute, Potter. Really cute. You're bewitching candy wrappers to read my name. I'm honored." She rolled her eyes, tossing the wrapper back to James before turning away, intent on rejoining her clan of giggly girls.

Suddenly, a ripple of panic made its way through the Marauder, causing his hand to shoot out and grasp Lily's arm as she turned away. "Lily, wait." His eyes were pleading though he had no idea how he was going to make her believe what he had to say.

The redhead stopped dead. Never before had James called her by her first name. It took all of her will power not to smile at the sound of it. She loved the way it rolled off his tongue so easily. Thank Merlin James didn't know Legimency.

Quickly sobering her grinning lips, Lily turned once again to face the Marauder she was ever so secretly mad about. "What, James?" she asked, before inwardly smacking herself in the head as she realized what she'd said. He was going to go completely overboard about her using his first name.

James' thin lips curled into what was unmistakably a smirk. He opened his mouth, intending to throw a witty comment out about what she'd let slip. _'Sirius and Remus. Sirius and Remus,'_ he kept reminding himself repeatedly, as he bit his tongue. "Lily, willyougotoHogsmeadewithme?" James blabbed out all in one short breath. He had just then realized he still grasped Lily's arm, and she hadn't done anything to get him off her. That, in itself, gave him a small amount more courage.

". . . Will I what?" Lily asked, her arms limp as she stared hard into James' darting eyes. Merlin, she'd never seen James so nervous. He was usually so cocky; this was quite different from the James she knew and loved to hate.

James' adam's apple rose and fell noticeably as he gulped his fear in one swift swallow. Closing his eyes tightly, afraid to see Lily's face after she heard what he was about to say, James whispered almost inaudibly, "Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?"

After several seconds of silence, James realized Lily still hadn't wrenched her arm away, nor had she screamed. That had to be a good thing. Tentatively, the boy opened his bespectacled eyes. Lily still stood before him, her eyes looked glazed. James could only imagine why; it wasn't like this was the first time he'd ever asked her out, though he'd never used her first name before in conversation.

The thoughts going through Lily Evans head in those seconds were indescribable, even to herself. She couldn't explain why she'd suddenly frozen, or why she was even CONSIDERING saying yes; It all made no sense. But nonetheless, here she stood like an idiot staring off into space as she contemplated why she always said no; why shouldn't she say yes this time?

Suddenly, her arm was shaken by the Marauder who had left her so utterly discomposed, waking her from her reverie. She realized her heart was pounding, and she was surprised James couldn't hear it. She had to think of a cover story. . . quickly.

"James, I," she stuttered, trying to buy time for herself as her mind worked fruitlessly to come up with something. "Why?" she asked confused, though she was unsure why of all things she'd chosen to say that. She already knew exactly why; hell, everyone knew.

James blinked repeatedly, finally dropping Lily's arm to rake his hand through his unkempt ebony hair once more. "Wanna know the truth?" he asked meekly, giving her a guilty smile.

The redhead's eyebrows furrowed as she considered what the boy had just said. She hadn't been expecting that. What reason could he possibly have for wanting to take her to Hogsmeade other than the fact that he was OBSESSED with her? She nodded, urging him to speak, giving him an ever so tiny smile of encouragement.

'_Whoa,'_ James thought as he pieced together everything he had to explain to Lily, _' I'm actually have a CIVIL conversation with Lily Evans. This day is actually turning out pretty damned good.'_

"Well," James began, rubbing the back of his neck, before backing up to sit on the bottom step of the marble staircase, beckoning Lily to follow him, "It's kind of for Remus and Sirius."

Lily sat awkwardly beside James, watching woefully as her band of girls walked away, deciding the grounds were a better place to gossip than the Entrance Hall. She had no means of escape now.

"Remus and Sirius?" she wondered aloud, "Potter, you're making no sense again."

"Okay, okay," James said quickly, "Let me explain." With a dramatic inhale of air, James began the shortened version of everything that was going on. "So, Sirius had liked Remus for Merlin only knows how long, and I just found out from Pete that Remus has liked Sirius for just as long, if not longer. So, we're gonna try to get them together in Hogsmeade, but we need your help, 'cause Remus trusts you and you're good with this stuff. Me and Pete aren't really all that great with relationships, since he's never been in one and you won't date me, so-"

Lily silenced the babbling Marauder by bringing a hand to his lips. "Potter, shut up," she said with a small laugh and a shake of the head, "I'll help you get them together, okay?"

Inside, James was screaming in ecstasy as he tried to keep the smug, triumphant look off his face. He didn't want Lily changing her mind. "Thank you so much, Ev-Lily," he said earnestly, his face flushing furiously as she quickly removed her fingers from his lips. She'd nearly forgotten they were still there, and as much as she hated to admit it, she didn't want to remove them.

"Well, er," Lily began, suddenly nervous, "I should probably go. The girls are already outside," she stuttered, pointing to the oak front doors, as she stood up, twisting her hands anxiously in her lap. Merlin, what had she just done?

James nodded, still flushed. "Right, I'll talk to you. . . later then."

With that, Lily turned and rushed out the front doors, locating her friends by the lake. James stood cautiously, pinching his arm, just to ensure himself that he was indeed awake. He had just gotten a date with Lily Evans! He'd just gotten a bloody date with Lily-Fucking-Evans! This day could NOT get any better!

Hurrying up the staircase, nearly stumbling as he rushed to where Peter stood, half-concealed by a suit of armor, James yelled, "I got a date with her, Wormtail! I've got a bloody date with her!"

Peter squealed in glee in a manner that would've been embarrassing to perhaps any other male in the school, but he didn't care; he never did. "Oh, good! Now we can finally get them together!" he exclaimed overjoyed with the prospect of actually making his two best mates happy.

James smiled genuinely. He honestly couldn't remember the last time he felt this utterly excited.

**Sirius' Journal -**

**November 16th Sunday**

Well, the lucky son of a bitch did it. He got his bloody date with Evans. Merlin, I can't even IMAGINE how he pulled that off, and I'm sure I don't want to. Lucky, lucky bastard. Merlin, how terrible am I? I should be happy for him! And yet here I am complaining because he's finally got the girl of his dreams, and yet I'm still without mine. (Though he is indeed a boy, not a girl.)

At least one of us will be happy this weekend. Now, on to a different subject.

I've just been reading some of the older entries I wrote, and it's quite interesting to see how I've changed through out this 'journal-ing' shit. I used to hate writing in this. I only used to do it 'cause Remus made me, but now, I'm not even sure if he knows I still write. I do it more for myself now. Damn, he was right when he gave this to me.

It really is a good way of getting your feelings out, and I guess it is quite relaxing. Just imagine what would happen if someone read this? If REMUS read this? I'd be ruined. That just goes to show just how much of myself I really poured into you. Wow, that's kind of a scary concept.

I'll have to thank that werewolf more properly someday for giving you to me. Must've been one of the best presents I've ever received, no matter what I said when I first got you.

Yeah, yeah, I know. It needs some editing, but I'll take care of that when the time comes. For now, I'm going to go have a cigarette and maybe actually do some homework. Now THAT is a scary concept.

**It wasn't my best work, I admit that. Life has gotten hectic, but I'm going strong! I love you all immensely, but I'll love you more if you review! -hint hint-**

**Hope you liked it and hopefully I'll have more out soon.**

**Prongsie :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**HOLY EFFING SHIT! I'm back! It's been what? Almost a year. I am SO SORRY! I can't even explain it. Two bloody chapters left in the whole story and it took me a bloody YEAR to get them out. You are completely and utterly allowed to murder me for this. I completely understand. But anyways, here's the next chapter. Sorry again for the intense delay. **

**Part Sixteen**

**Sirius' Journal -**

**November 20th Thursday**

So, two days until the trip to Hogsmeade, and all I've had to listen to all week is bloody Prongs going on about how he got Lily to go out on a date with him. Bloody hell, no one cares anymore!

And him and Wormy keep bloody looking at me weird every time I go anywhere near Moony. Moony says they've been doing it to him too. What the hell? At first, I thought maybe James had told my secret, until I found out they were doing the same thing to Remmy. That just wouldn't make sense. None of this bloody makes sense. Ahh, I'm so angsty right now. It's all fucking James' fault.

If it wasn't for him getting the effing girl of his dreams and the chance to live happily ever after, I'd be fine right now. I mean, it's not like I expected to get a date with Moony for the Hogsmeade trip, but just hearing James twenty-four seven is enough to drive any love-sick puppy mad.

I think I'm going to go chain a pack or something. Ugh.

**November 22nd Saturday Morning**

So, today's the day. Merlin, I'm so happy it's finally here. I'm so bloody sick of listening to Prongs. And after today, I won't have to anymore. He looked kind of sick this morning, but I'm sure he's just thinking about how badly we all know he's going to fuck this date up. But that's just Prongsie. King of fuck ups. He's already left though. Apparently, Evans wanted to get there early so she could start her Christmas shopping. Oh, it's going to be a long day for Prongsie.

I guess Peter and Remus already left as well. I found a note from Prongs telling me that we were all meeting up in the Three Broomsticks around noon for lunch. It's nearly ten now, and I haven't even rolled out of bed yet. But everyone else is gone. I guess I should go downstairs and grab some food from the Great Hall before I head out to Hogsmeade.

**Character Interaction -**

"I swear to Merlin, Potter. If you call me Lilykins one more bloody time, I'm going to call this whole thing off," growled Lily Evans through clenched teeth as she and James Potter wandered down the main road of Hogsmeade, weaving their way through the torrents of Hogwarts students moving from store to store.

They'd only been out for an hour, and already they'd lost interest in everything. They'd just been here too many times. Honeydukes and Zonko's just lost their appeal after a few years. Now, they had nothing to do but wander around until noon, when hopefully Peter would remember to bring Remus to meet them, and Sirius would crawl out of bed and join them as well.

"Sorry," James muttered for the hundredth time in the past few minutes. For some reason he couldn't rationalize, he had this urge to call her that. He had no idea where the name came from, but he knew it had meant something in the past. He walked beside her, itching to grab her arm, but knowing his cheeks would not appreciate the smack they'd receive for the gesture.

"So. . . ." he said after a few minutes of awkward silence. "What do you want to do?" He looked at her, but she was staring determinedly ahead.

After a few seconds, she shrugged. She had no idea, but she was seriously worried about how very much she was enjoying James' company. She was supposed to hate him, not enjoy being around him. She had a reputation to uphold, dammit!

**MWPP**

It happened quickly, but all of a sudden, Remus found himself running at top speed down the main lane of Hogsmeade, after plump little Peter. With no explanation, but a slew of curses, Peter had sped around and sprinted down the street, beckoning Remus to follow him. Confusion and questions blossoming in Remus' head, he could think of nothing to do but follow Peter to wherever it was he was running. Hell, the werewolf was surprised Peter could even run that fast. He'd never seen the boy run before.

"Peter!" he called as he did some interesting, very un-Remus-like twirls to avoid running people over in his haste. "Where the hell are we going?!"

"Just hurry up!" Peter called over his shoulder, "We're late!"

Late for what? Remus was so utterly confused. He didn't know they had any places they had to be today. He thought they were just going to meet up with James and Sirius sometime during the day. Remus had to admit, he was a little put out when Peter dragged him from the Common Room this morning, telling him to let Sirius sleep and that they'd find him later. Remus had been so hoping to spend the day with Sirius today. Merlin only knew how badly they needed to spend time together right now. He had a feeling that ever since the incident in the Astronomy Tower, things hadn't quite been normal with himself and Sirius. He wanted desperately to fix them. He'd planned to do just that today.

Skidding to a stop as to keep himself from slamming into Peter, who had so suddenly stopped, Remus looked up to see that they were standing outside the Three Broomsticks. Peter wrenched open the door and pushed Remus through, closing it tightly behind him. The warmth of the pub was welcome for the two boys as they rubbed their hands together and tried to catch their breath.

"Over there," Peter said, pointing towards a table at the back of the pub where James and Lily were perched on stools, sipping large mugs of butterbeer. "I forgot to tell you we were supposed to be meeting them for lunch today." He explained.

Remus shook his head, but followed him as he made his way through the tables to the one at which their friends sat.

"Hi, Remus!" Lily said happily as she pulled out a seat for him. James merely waved, acknowledging their presence before returning to staring at Lily, while she was distracted by Remus' and Peter's arrival.

"Hi," the two boys said as they took their seats.

Peter looked at James intently. When he finally got James' attention (by kicking him under the table) he mouthed. 'Where's Sirius?' James shrugged, looking at a clock upon the wall behind the bar. It was well past noon. It was nearly twelve thirty. Maybe Sirius hadn't gotten the note he'd left. His heart started beating oddly fast. Their whole plan would fall to pieces if Sirius didn't show up.

Just as the thought hit him, a familiar voice reached his ears from the entrance to the pub. "Sorry I'm late," the voice called, as its owner made his way to their table. "I got caught up a bit in Zonko's."

There was a rushing wave of relief falling over James and Peter that was unlike anything they had ever felt. Thank Merlin Sirius had shown up. Now, they just had to pray Sirius and Remus didn't do anything that could still result in their plan's failure.

Lily removed herself from the table to get the new arrivals drinks. While she was gone, James and Peter attempted to put their plan into action. As was expected from the two Marauders, their plan had not been carefully planned, as Lily had insisted they do. So, with no specifics in mind, they started a conversation.

"So, Padfoot," James said, sipping his butterbeer again, "What held you up in Zonko's?"

Sirius shrugged. "I went in there to see if they had anything new that would be useful to us, and I got a bit mobbed by those bloody Hufflepuff Third Years. Why don't they understand that I _don't want them_?" He sounded frustrated. Hell, he was frustrated. Here he sat, with the one and only person he _did _want and he couldn't even have him. It was so bloody aggravating.

"Well," Peter began, figuring putting off the plan was just foolish. "If you don't want them, who _do _you want?" He tried to say it casually, but anyone who knew what was going on would have been able to hear the underlying meaning in his words.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him, before staring intently at James. Had James said something to Peter? There had definitely been something in that comment that implied he knew something he shouldn't. James just shrugged, indicating that he had no idea why Sirius was looking at him like that. Since Sirius couldn't just come out and say what he was thinking, he turned back to Peter.

Sirius stated simply, as though it were common knowledge that everyone present should already know, "I like someone I can't have."

James smiled, catching Sirius' eye. He was shaking his head as though what Sirius was saying was completely wrong. Like that could be true. Sirius merely raised his eyebrow before turning back to Peter again, doing everything in his power to stop himself from looking anywhere in Remus' direction. That would be too awkward with the present topic of discussion.

"Dammit, James, just tell them!"

"Thank you, Evans! You can shut up anytime now!"

"No, James, just _tell them_."

Apparently, Lily had returned, raging as usual as she slammed the butterbeers down on the table before the bespectacled Marauder. She had been listening to their conversation, and it was utterly pitiful. If they kept it up at this rate, they would be here all day and they still wouldn't have accomplished what they came here to do. Someone had to get the bloody ball rolling.

"Lily, we were trying to build up to it. It's not something you should just come out and say. But no, you have to come and open your big bloody mouth!" James wasn't angry with her, but what she was doing was just bloody stupid.

"I'll knock your teeth down your throat if you keep it up, Potter!" Lily shouted, deciding this date may have actually been a mistake. If it wasn't for Remus and Sirius, she would have been marching right out of the pub without a backwards glance. Instead, she decided to speed things up so she _could _march out of the pub like she so desperately wanted to. "Remus, Sirius, we know you two like each other. Don't even bother denying it anymore. And stop bloody thinking there's no way in hell that could be true because surprise! It's true!"

Well, that wasn't exactly how James had envisioned this happening, but he couldn't stop thinking how hot it was to see Lily so angry but not directing her anger at him. It was such a nice change.

Sirius and Remus both put on identical faces of shock. Neither boys could believe what they were hearing. There was just no way in hell it could be true. Lily was off her rocker, just like Sirius had been trying to tell them all for years. Now, he had proof. She was completely mental.

Their eyes met for a split second, their faces turning bright red at the gesture. They were speechless. What could they say after a proclamation like that?

**Okay, there it is. I doubt it was worth waiting a year, but at least now you all know I AM going to finish this bloody story. The next chapter will be the final chapter, and I promise you won't have to wait another year for it!**

**Prongsie :)**


	17. Chapter 17 Final Chapter

**All right, my lovelies. Here it is. Over a year and a half later... The final chapter. This is it. I hope you like it. **

**Part Seventeen**

**Character Interaction - **

"Dammit, you two!" Lily was still raging. She could see the disbelief on their faces. They were so bloody stupid. Typical boys.

"Lily, hush," James said, softly, trying not to sound angry. He wasn't angry, but he knew Remus and Sirius so much better than she did. He knew how to handle this, and she certainly wasn't handling it right.

Folding her arms, Lily fell silent, leaning against the wall behind James' seat. There was no use in fighting him right now. Maybe he really could do this better than she could. After all, they were his best mates, not hers.

"Sirius," James began, looking hard into the dark eyes of his best mate, "You told me years ago that you had feelings for Remus. You told me to keep that a secret, and I have done just that. Until very recently," he admitted, feeling no shame in the statement. "Last week, Peter came to me with information that was also supposed to be confidential." James now looked at Remus. "As I understand it, you also confessed your feelings for Sirius to Peter. After finding this out, I had to break your trust, Pads, for your own good." He paused, taking in the reactions of his mates.

Remus was very blank-faced and much paler than usual. He looked like he normally looked just before a transformation. Sirius, on the other hand, was bright red. Never before had James seen him quite that shade of scarlet. Both boys were staring directly at him, refusing to look at each other. James could only imagine how awkward this must be, but they all knew it was for the better.

When no one said anything, Peter piped in. "I'm sorry, Moony," he said, hanging his head. "I didn't mean to tell anyone what you told me, but I had to. It's not fair to you guys to torture yourselves. It's just not fair."

Remus moved his gaze from James to Peter. He nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. He found his voice, though it sounded as though he hadn't used it in weeks. "It's okay, Pete." That was all he could say.

"You know we're not lying. I can see it on both of your faces," James said, looking from one boy to the other. "I can see the truth on your faces. Now, you just need to accept that and accept the truth from each other."

He stood up from his seat, grabbing Lily's hand as he pushed himself away from his seat. "Come on, Pete," he said, waving the plump boy over to him. "They need some time to talk, I think."

James smiled as kindly as possible at the two boys left sitting at their table. Peter waved as he made his way out of the pub, followed by Lily and James who, still holding hands, smiled sympathetically. "We'll catch up with you later," James said quietly as they wove between tables and around their fellow Hogwarts students. Back out into the cold Hogsmeade street they went.

They had left Remus and Sirius in a very awkward situation. Neither boy had looked at each other since Lily's explosion. Neither boy knew how to take what their friends had said and believe it. Too long had they spent their time trying to convince themselves that there was no way they could ever both love each other equally. Hearing the very opposite of that to be the truth was a lot for them to handle.

Always the first to open his mouth, Sirius turned his head to face Remus. Taking a deep breath, he began, "Rem?" Remus turned to Sirius, still stark white. "Remus. . . Are they. . . . Are they telling the truth?" He didn't know how else to say it.

Looking deep into those stormy eyes he could always lose himself in, Remus replied very quietly. "What they said about me was true. The rest, well, only you can answer that, huh?" There was a shaky confidence in his voice. He didn't know why or where it was coming from, but for some reason, he really believed James and Lily, and he really wasn't mad at Peter at all. A small part of him was actually quite grateful towards the boy. Now, he just needed to hear it straight from Sirius.

The dog animagus was nodding, but he wasn't speaking. He was standing up. He was moving away from the table. He was beckoning Remus towards him. They were leaving the pub, stepping into the frozen street. Somehow, it seemed to get chillier the farther they walked from the pub. They hadn't said a word since leaving the pub. Remus was merely following Sirius to wherever it was he was headed. They were leaving Hogsmeade. They were entering Hogwarts grounds, but they weren't heading towards the castle. They were heading towards the lake.

Stopping at its edge, Sirius sat himself down. "Come here," he said to Remus, pulling his sleeve as if to yank him to the ground. Remus obeyed. "If what you said was true," Sirius began quietly, "than everything they said was true. What they said about me wasn't a lie." He was avoiding Remus' eyes again.

Remus wasn't going to allow that. He had gone through enough with Sirius. Sirius owed this to him. Grabbing his chin gently, Remus turned Sirius' head to face his own. Their eyes locked. Cold stone and molten gold. "I've loved you my whole life, Sirius." Remus stated, feeling rather bold at the moment. In his mind, he had no reason not to be.

"Remus," Sirius breathed, pulling him forward, pulling him upon his lap. He wrapped his arms around the werewolf's waist, resting his hands on those wonderful, bony hips. "I love you more than you can imagine." He didn't know what else to say.

"I don't have to imagine it, Sirius," Remus replied, "I've felt it my entire life."

This was not like the first time. This was not one-sided. This was passion. This was intensity. This was love.

Their lips connected as though pulled by a slight magnetic force. They locked upon one another and refused to let go. For a long, wonderful minute, their lips moved upon each other and nothing else. Their hands wandered, their minds screamed. Their hearts skipped a beat. The love emanating from that one kiss was more than either boy had ever felt before in his life.

Their lips broke apart in a gasp. Before either could get a word in edgewise, Sirius stood up abruptly, dropping Remus to his feet carefully. Taking his hand, he pulled him across the grounds, back towards the castle. He had something he desperately wanted to show the werewolf.

**MWPP**

"Here it is," Sirius said, as he stooped under his bed, pulling out a slightly beat up leather-bound book. "You remember giving me this, right?" Sirius asked, looking up at Remus hopefully.

"Of course," Remus answered. "You hated it."

Sirius blushed slightly. "Well, yeah," his tone changed quickly, "But I really don't anymore. I want you to read it. Everything I wrote in it is true. And most of it is about you. Go ahead," Sirius urged, seeing the hesitation on Remus' face. "Read it."

And so, Remus sat upon his best mate's bed and opened the little black book. He began at the first page, reading all the way through to the entry written earlier this morning. Though he started out laughing at Sirius' ludicrous scribblings, by the end, tears were shining in his eyes, threatening to run down his cheeks. He couldn't describe the emotions in him right now. It was true. Everything James and Lily had said was completely true. It was all right here. In this journal Remus had given to Sirius as a birthday present.

Sirius was sitting on a bed across from him, smiling placidly. He couldn't explain the happiness bursting into life inside of him. "Rem?" he said quietly, seeing the blank expression on the boy's face. "You okay?"

Remus nodded. "Can. . . Can I write something?" He didn't know why he was asking this, but he desperately wished to write something in the journal. Sirius tossed him a quill full of ink, telling him to have a ball.

**Sirius' Journal - **

**November 22nd Saturday Afternoon**

_**Well, if you can't tell by the change of print, this isn't Sirius. It's me. The giver of this journal. It's Remus. I have no idea why I wish to write in this, but I feel I express myself better on paper than I ever could in words. So, here it goes.**_

_**Sirius, as I'm sure you're going to read this immediately after I finish writing it, I'll just straight out say what I want you to know. I love you. I have always loved you. I want you to understand and believe that, just like I have come to understand and believe you entirely.**_

_**I want to be with you. I have always wanted to be with you. You are my everything. I want you for myself. I want you to be mine and no one else's. I refuse to share you any longer. I am much too in love with you to do that any longer.**_

Tis me again. As Remus guessed, I certainly did read this directly after he finished writing it. And apparently, we are going to do this through a note system. . . . In my journal. Well, I did always say Remus was a weird one. But whatever he wants.

In reply to his comments: I love you too. I always have. I do understand and believe you because I share your feelings. And you are with me, you stupid sod. You're sitting right across from me!

_**Sirius! That's not what I meant and you know it!**_

Yeah, yeah, I know. I was only kidding! And stop reading over my shoulder!

Okay, ANYWAYS, as I was saying, before you so rudely interrupted me. . . . I AM yours. I've always been yours, you just didn't know it, I guess. And you don't have to share me anymore. I'm done with everyone else. Now that I know I can have you as my own, what use would they be to me? I don't need them. They're nothing compared to you.

_**Well, I should hope so. That's definitely good to know. I love you, Sirius.**_

I love you too, Rem.

. . . . Are you really going to make me ask you out, or can I just declare it right here that you're my boyfriend?

_**I think you just answered your own question.**_

Oh yeah. . . . So, Boyfriend, how do you feel?

_**Amazing.**_

Oh, really?

_**Yes. **_

**November 23rd 1 AM Sunday Morning**

Well, that was certainly the most interesting journal entry yet. I'm sure it would've continued, but you know me. I get distracted easily and Remus was right there…. Declaring his love for me and whatnot. Writing just wasn't very appealing anymore, if you know what I mean.

To say the least, we moved on to much better and more exciting things. And today, November 23rd will be the first day of the rest of my life. Today, we have decided, will be the first day of our relationship. Today will be, from here on, the most amazing day of the entire year. Every year. For the rest of my life.

P.S. James and Lily never came back to Gryffindor Tower last night. I think we all know what that means. I'm so proud of my Prongsie!

**There you go. And now it's over. sobs. I already miss it [ I really hope you enjoyed it. All of it. As in, the whole story. Please leave me a review so I know how you felt. I love you all and I'll desperately miss your reviews and comments on my favorite story ever!**

**The one and only,**

**Prongsie :)**


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